#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

The JNR appears at a podium with his hair disheveled. Behind him is the division banner from last season.
It has mustard on it.

JNR's dress shirt has the top button unbuttoned, and his tie is firmly tied around his forehead. He swings a Labatt Blue wildly around in one hand while he uses the other to steady himself on the podium.

The JNR: I've pretty much been drinking since the end of last season.

He hiccups, then steadies himself.

The JNR: Look. Whatever. My team is built for the regular season. That's just the way it is. We're poop...poopfaces. We're a team full of poopfaces.

Members of the press look at each other awkwardly, then begin rapidly scribbling.

The JNR: I was gonna just give up. Walk away. Retire and make passionate love to my three GMOY trophies. The design of the trophy is actually pretty well made for it, the space between the General Manager's arm is just big enough...

He burps and thankfully loses his train of thought.

The JNR: But yeah. The season sucked but I decided not to quit for some reason. So I tried to decide what to do. I could've just scrapped it all. After all, I only had two players under contract. I coulda sent Bosh away for any of the offers I received, and started over with another rebuild.

He has stopped swaying. He reaches up and casually removes the tie from his head.

The JNR: But early indications show that this may be the worst draft ever. And even if the draft wasn't bad -- what's the fun in just pressing reset every time the road gets a little difficult?

This is weird...it's almost like he's sobering up right in front of our eyes.

The JNR: This league is full of people who kept experiencing disappointment year after year. Who failed every step of the way. Who felt the same death and despair and I felt in our humbling, embarrassing loss. And this league is full of people -- the same people -- who continued to chip away. Who wouldn't pack it up and go home. Who said "screw it...I'll take my lumps, and I'll get stronger." At first I threw a pity party, acting like I was the only GM to have these setbacks. But everyone has had them. And most of those GMs have refused to pack it in. What more proof do you need? Look at this year's champion. Getting a title wasn't easy for the Spurs. But ask him how much sweeter the victory is after all those struggles. I guarantee he'll tell you the failure made this feel so much better.

He throws the Labatt Blue into the crowd, where it hits Will Maukie in the neck.

The JNR: So I resigned Bosh to an enormous deal. I kept Tim Duncan for one more run. I convinced Luol Deng not to sign a max contract anywhere else. And I made a few signings here and there to shore up depth. We probably won't be the division champs again, but it did us no good last time anyway. So this team, this season, is going to be symbolically picking those tools and continuing to chip away. Maybe it will end like every other season has. Or maybe we'll make a masterpiece. The most important thing for us is that we try to get there.

He buttons his top button, rests his elbows on the podium, and smiles.

The JNR: Any questions?

Reggie Noble: Is it true that Bucks GM has been seen in Minnesota motels looking for you and threatening you with some pictures? Is he trying to get Chris Bosh by threatening you with these photos? Here is what a source told me is an example of whats being sent to Timberwolves management.

RPF wrote:Reggie Noble: Is it true that Bucks GM has been seen in Minnesota motels looking for you and threatening you with some pictures? Is he trying to get Chris Bosh by threatening you with these photos? Here is what a source told me is an example of whats being sent to Timberwolves management.

The JNR: Reggie, I can't confirm that. But I will tell you that both the Bucks GM and the Nets GM have reached out to me a lot over the past few months, trying to make sure I didn't quit. They're good people.

But that picture is scary.

Interesting picture, but I don't know what photos of a super model have to do with anything

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk

Jean Baptiste, La Résistance De Van Memphis

Tim Duncan occupies a seemingly odd space on your team. We know of his greatness, but we also know that those days are behind him. With an expiring 11 million dollar contract and a hungry Hamed Haddadi waiting in the wings, do you look to move him? Let him ride it out?

LoCo89 wrote:

Jean Baptiste, La Résistance De Van Memphis

Tim Duncan occupies a seemingly odd space on your team. We know of his greatness, but we also know that those days are behind him. With an expiring 11 million dollar contract and a hungry Hamed Haddadi waiting in the wings, do you look to move him? Let him ride it out?

The JNR: You'll probably scoff, but I consider Tim Duncan the lynchpin of this team. Basically he decides whether we're a title contender or an above average team. With Haddadi showing in camp that he's ready to play next to Chris, Duncan becomes the supersub we didn't have last year. He can play the 4 or 5 off the bench and still has the remnants of a two way game that can wreak havoc on bench units across the league. If we trade Duncan -- which is still on the table, as are all deals -- it will make our bench awfully thin, and one injury could destroy everything we've worked for. So I think having Duncan on the team is actually one of our most important aspects.

After a dominant regular season that tired your team out too much to defeat the likes of the great Rajon Rondo and the Denver Nuggets, you were able to maintain your starting lineup. Without too much in terms of personnel changes, do you plan on changing your regular season strategy at all to maybe save a little juice for the playoffs or, perhaps, to manipulate the seeding so that you can try to avoid facing the wizard of basketball that is Rajon Rondo?

garbageman wrote:After a dominant regular season that tired your team out too much to defeat the likes of the great Rajon Rondo and the Denver Nuggets, you were able to maintain your starting lineup. Without too much in terms of personnel changes, do you plan on changing your regular season strategy at all to maybe save a little juice for the playoffs or, perhaps, to manipulate the seeding so that you can try to avoid facing the wizard of basketball that is Rajon Rondo?

Step into my office.

garbageman wrote:After a dominant regular season that tired your team out too much to defeat the likes of the great Rajon Rondo and the Denver Nuggets, you were able to maintain your starting lineup. Without too much in terms of personnel changes, do you plan on changing your regular season strategy at all to maybe save a little juice for the playoffs or, perhaps, to manipulate the seeding so that you can try to avoid facing the wizard of basketball that is Rajon Rondo?

The JNR: I really don't see the point in avoiding anyone. It's on me to get my team ready to face whoever's in front of us. The Nuggets posed a bad matchup, but it's a new season and we're not really worried about anything that happened last year.

It seemed to this observer like Marcus Thornton regressed last season in his shot selection after a solid sophomore campaign. How much of your success this season depends on how Marcus plays and whether he is ready to play up to his potential? Do you worry that he's not quite ready yet?

WigNosy wrote:It seemed to this observer like Marcus Thornton regressed last season in his shot selection after a solid sophomore campaign. How much of your success this season depends on how Marcus plays and whether he is ready to play up to his potential? Do you worry that he's not quite ready yet?

The JNR: We were disappointed with his play last year, especially because in theory he should have had improved efficiency with the weapons around him. We hope that he improves this year, and his performance will greatly impact our decision on his contact come RFA.

TheSyndicate wrote:

garbageman wrote:After a dominant regular season that tired your team out too much to defeat the likes of the great Rajon Rondo and the Denver Nuggets, you were able to maintain your starting lineup. Without too much in terms of personnel changes, do you plan on changing your regular season strategy at all to maybe save a little juice for the playoffs or, perhaps, to manipulate the seeding so that you can try to avoid facing the wizard of basketball that is Rajon Rondo?

Step into my office.

Before you step into his office, garbageman. Just know that that office is the home to talent that is on the brink of a championship. Know that stepping in.

What are your realistic expectations for this season? Do you have plans to address issue with your depth (at the expense of future draft picks)?

IamQuailman wrote:What are your realistic expectations for this season? Do you have plans to address issue with your depth (at the expense of future draft picks)?

JNR: I think we can make noise. Maybe not the division, but we can make the playoffs for sure.

Random Reporter: It seems like the Wolves have been a one-man team for the majority of Bosh's time here. Are you looking for one of Lowry or Deng to step up and be a clear 2nd option this season? How important will that be to the team's overall success this season?

GWR: I think last year was proof that when a team is built around Bosh, we can go places. Obviously those places were only in the regular season, but with a good defense around him, we had the best record in the league. We are returning all 5 members of last year's starting lineup, so we hope to replicate some of that success.

Sports Guy Bill Simmons here, looking back over last season, since you were having so much success in the regular season. Did you experiment much to tinker with different lineups or gameplans? I've privately criticized my Celtcis for being too content with the gameplan/lineup when things are going well in the regular season since the playoffs can be so matchup driven.

Conroy wrote:Sports Guy Bill Simmons here, looking back over last season, since you were having so much success in the regular season. Did you experiment much to tinker with different lineups or gameplans? I've privately criticized my Celtcis for being too content with the gameplan/lineup when things are going well in the regular season since the playoffs can be so matchup driven.

The JNR: That's a great question. We didn't tinker, and you're probably right that we should have. I think we just assumed we were the best team in the league and we got crushed for it when it mattered. I aim to change that this year.

Nick Melon; The Advocate: Has Chris Bosh or Tim Duncan organized any team building activities or coded any special gifs to make the new signings feel welcomed here in Minnesota?

The JNR: Timmy has been trying to teach Chris how to properly react to fouls.



The JNR: It's going well.

Random Dallas Reporter:

Your team is built to win. Some have you pegged to repeat as the division champ in the #Midbest. What do you plan to do differently this season in hopes that it will take your team to the promised land?

fearthebrow wrote:Random Dallas Reporter:

Your team is built to win. Some have you pegged to repeat as the division champ in the #Midbest. What do you plan to do differently this season in hopes that it will take your team to the promised land?

I plan on making moves. I plan on making changes to the lineup during the season. And if I get a home court advantage in the playoffs, I won't just trot out my normal lineup and expect to win.