#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

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SQUEAL

Welcome to the draft lottery! I'm your host, Stuart Scott. Tonight, 13 franchises hope for the ping pong balls to bounce their way and help change the future of their team for years to come. I'm joined here tonight by the representatives of thirteen teams, each hoping for that #1 pick. We'll introduce them in a minute, but first let's look at the top players who will become PBSL professionals in just a few months time.


Stephen Curry, a point guard out of Davidson. He can run an offense, has athleticism, and can shoot better than anyone we've ever seen. Most people see him as the unanimous #1 pick.


Jrue Holiday, a point guard from UCLA who is raw but has a ton of potential all over the board. A lot of GMs project him to be a top two-way point guard when he reaches that potential.


James Harden, a shooting guard from Arizona State. This Sun Devil should erupt the league with his scoring right away, and he projects to be one of the best penetration guards of the class.


Blake Griffin, the athletic phenom out of Oklahoma. Griffin is a high flying, death-defying dunking machine with a hard work ethic and great charisma to boot.


DeMar DeRozan, a shooting guard out of USC. He's young, athletic, and ready to hit the rack with a supreme inside scoring ability.

These are only a handful of the top players. All 5 of them will be looked upon to change the franchise that picks them. Hopefully they'll be up to the task.

Now, let's meet the representatives of the 11 teams vying for the top spot in the draft lottery.

Representing the Indiana Pacers, who have the 13th best chance of winning the lottery...Yao Ming!

Representing the Washington Wizards, who have the 12th best chance of winning the lottery...GM J2!

Representing the Philadelphia 76ers, who own both the 11th best chance and the 5th best chance...GM BallsoHard!

Representing the Golden State Warriors, who own both the 10th best and 2nd best chance of winning the lottery...DeAndre Jordan!

Representing the Detroit Pistons, with the 9th best chance of winning the lottery...LaMarcus Aldridge!

Representing the Houston Rockets, who own the 8th best chance...GM 78!

Representing the Utah Jazz, who are tied for the 6th best chance in the lottery...Bonzi Wells!

Representing the Toronto Raptors, who are tied for the 6th best chance in the lottery...Kendrick Perkins!

Representing the Portland Trailblazers, who own the 4th best chance...All Rookie First Team Derrick Rose!

Representing the Dallas Mavericks, who own the 3rd best chance in the lottery...recently retired Maverick Marcus Camby!

And finally, representing the Chicago Bulls, who own the best chance in the lottery...Nick Young!

Welcome, gentlemen. Best of luck tonight.

And now for a (roughly 3 hour) dead time! Will post later tonight, guys!

Welcome back! We're just about ready to reveal the results of the lottery for you! But first, we are pleased to have Beyonce here to perform her new smash hit, HALO!



Beyonce...Beyonce you're singing too long...we need to cut...Beyonce...SHUT THE Frye UP

Okay, sorry. Let's continue.

Let's look at the original order:

1.Chicago Bulls 12-70
2.Golden State Warriors 19-63
3.Dallas Mavericks 20-62
4.Portland Trailblazers 22-60
5.Philadelphia 76ers 24-58
6.Toronto Raptors 25-57
7.Utah Jazz 25-57
8.Houston Rockets 30-52
9.Detroit Pistons 32-50
10.Golden State Warriors (From ORL) 33-49
11.Philadelphia 76ers (From PHX) 38-44
12.Washington Wizards 39-43
13.Indiana Pacers 43-39
14.*Minnesota Timberwolves 38-44
15.*San Antonio Spurs 42-40
16.*Cleveland Cavaliers 45-37
17.*Philadelphia 76ers (From DEN) 45-37
18.*New York Knicks 46-36
19.*San Antonio Spurs (From NOH) 48-34
20.*Miami Heat 49-33
21.*Los Angeles (LAL) Lakers (From BOS) 50-32
22.*New Jersey Nets 50-32
23.*VanMemphis Grizzlies 50-32
24.*Los Angeles (LAC) Clippers 56-26
25.*Atlanta Hawks 58-24
26.*Houston Rockets (From LAL) 58-24
27.*Sacramento Kings 62-20
28.*Chicago Bulls (From MIL) 65-17
29.*Utah Jazz (From SEA) 65-17

Now, keep in mind that teams with the same records may flip in the lotto. For example, the Bulls and Jazz own the 28th and 29th pick, but the records of the teams they traded with are both 65-17. Once the lotto happens, these teams may be switched. The teams affected this season are the Bulls, the Jazz, the Grizzlies, the Nets, the Lakers, the Sixers, the Cavs, the Jazz (again), and the Cavs.

And now let's hear Kelly Clarkson sing a song that all but one of these teams will be singing to presumptive top pick Stephen Curry:

Okay, no more stalling! I know what you're all here to see!

A ONE ON ONE INTERVIEW WITH STEPH CURRY!

Q: Steph, you're projected to be the top pick in the draft. What do you think teams see in you?

A: A guy who can hit the open look, move the ball, and make sure my teammates are involved.

Q: What was your favorite memory at Davidson?

A: Definitely the NCAA Tournament run.

Q: I saw that you set a record for point guard bench pressing at the combine. Do you think your strength will be an asset?

A: Naturally. Not all point guards are as strong as me, and it will definitely give me an advantage, especially over some recently drafted point guards.

Q: What's your favorite thing to do when you're not on the court?

A: Chew on things. My mouthguard, my nails, anything I can get my mouth on!

Q: Do you think you can immediately make any team a contender?

A: Duh.

That was great! What a humble guyQ

Okay, here we go!

The thirteenth pick is awarded to...

The twelfth pick is awarded to...

The eleventh pick is awarded to...

WE BRIEFLY INTERRUPT SO LADY GAGA CAN SHOW YOU HER P-P-P-POKERFACE



HER P-POKERFACE

Now to the top 10!

The tenth pick is awarded to... The Golden State Warriors!

The ninth pick goes to...

The 8th pick is awarded to...

The 7th pick is awarded to...

bathroom break!

That was a quick one!

The 6th pick is awarded to...

The 5th pick goes to...

The 4th pick goes to... Top 3 to be announced soon!

We're back!

The third pick will be awarded to...

Oops I forgot to put the pictures in.

Who will it be? Will it be the Chicago Bulls? Let's ask Nick Young how he's feeling!

Young: Where am I? I don't even know what's happening right now. Has the season started yet?