#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Pacers General Manager PaulyP walks into the press room greeting a few members of the local media


-Pacers Owner Joshua Fields is in attendance

P: I'm gonna make this brief because we all know I dont like these damn pressers which is why we dont do them every year. Last year was a damn abomination. We were inconsistent, erratic, and irresponsible. All of the blame should be firmly on my shoulders and I am eternally grateful that our Owner Joshua Fields has decided to keep me on for a 17th season despite our lack of progress in the last decade.


The camera pans around to reveal a player walking up towards the podium and a few muffled whispers can be heard

P: Who the Frye are you?

The player mutters something in French and Pauly's face changes from one of concern to pure confusion and disdain

P: Where the hell is security, there's a damn international fan in my press room

Random Member of the Local Paper: I did a quick google search and that is not a fan Mr.Pauly, thats your second round pick Mickael Gelabale

P: WHO???



P: What in the hell do you want? You're interrupting our presser! And believe me I dont need your French bread ass in my room, no one wants to ask you a damn thing except for how come we didnt release you!

Gelabale starts sobbing uncontrollably and flees the room

P: Cant believe im paying that guy...


P: Geez, like I was saying, we sucked again last year and I made some...very risky maneuvers that never panned out. Alongside some health problems for our key guys. Im gonna go rapid fire on some quick questions here, Chris Webber will not be offered a new contract, if he isnt helping us win games Im going to sell him to the highest bidder. Derek and Eric will also be on the block if they dont perform their tutorial roles for young Deron and Luther. This is Deron's team and we believe he is a Top 3 point guard in this league already.

Random Media Person: Can you give us a quote on the Paul Pierce situation?

P: This franchise doesnt pay top dollars for a guy who cant stay healthy. Stacey Augmon is 10 times the player Pierce ever was. And thats true. ITS DAMN TRUE

P: Our goals for the season arent determined. If we can get the right gameplan together we can probably squeak into the playoffs but if we cant then we're looking to the future. I actually held onto this years pick so if were gonna be awful this is the year to do it.

I will now briefly open the floor to the members of the media. Make it fast cause my mistress is cookin up some lasagna tonight and I need to make it back to my wife before she finds out.

Random Reporter: One name that was not mentioned is recently signed small forward Rasual Butler. Where does he fit into your long-term plans, if at all?

Dr. Rocker, The Cleveland Rocker: Traditional lasagna, spinach lasagna, or is that code for some sort of sexual deviance? Also, are you looking to give Head?

Nick Melon; The Advocate: Who are you advocating for this season ahead to be the team captain? Spurned by Paul Pierce and this time in a way you couldn't just match his emotional and physical desires, do you have any emotions of Ill will towards the Cavalier organization?

Random Dallas reporter:

Will Derek Fisher play a big role this year? Will he see time as the 6th man where he's thrived in the past?

GWR: How much cheese does your mistress use in her lasagna?

Xist2Inspire wrote:Random Reporter: One name that was not mentioned is recently signed small forward Rasual Butler. Where does he fit into your long-term plans, if at all?

We need him to be successful. Our thought process was if we could get him for a decent price (which I feel like we sure did) we could let Paul Pierce and his woeful health walk and use the rest of that money left over to get some complimentary pieces. Rasual needs to step up and be that primary wing scorer we know he has the potential to be, he just has to go out there and do it

42PhD wrote:Dr. Rocker, The Cleveland Rocker: Traditional lasagna, spinach lasagna, or is that code for some sort of sexual deviance? Also, are you looking to give Head?

The kind of lasagna that would make Garfield orgasm. Luther loves to give but we're trying to make him a taker....from an offensive standpoint

NickMalone77 wrote:Nick Melon; The Advocate: Who are you advocating for this season ahead to be the team captain? Spurned by Paul Pierce and this time in a way you couldn't just match his emotional and physical desires, do you have any emotions of Ill will towards the Cavalier organization?

This is Deron's team. Derek, Chris, and Eric are the veterans so they need to set the example but this is definitely Deron's team now and for the future. He will be the best point guard in the league very soon.

Lots of ill will. We invested heavily in a guy, he couldnt stay healthy and I wasnt gonna pay for that inconsistency. He goes to a team within the division that has NEVER been good. Shocked us all and we dont really wish him well at this point.

fearthebrow wrote:Random Dallas reporter:

Will Derek Fisher play a big role this year? Will he see time as the 6th man where he's thrived in the past?

Yeah he's gonna have a good role. Not sure if he or Luther Head will be the starting SG. For whatever reason our preseason coaching staff didnt wanna use Derek to what we had planned but he'll be playing about 27-30 minutes per game.

JNR wrote:GWR: How much cheese does your mistress use in her lasagna?

Enough to feed an Amish family, if you're into roleplay

New Jersey Reporter: Any rumors that Paul Pierce emailed this parting message to Pacers offices?

Hi, it's me, Peyton Manning. I just wanted to say, I love Papa Johns. And I love the way you let Pierce walk.

Just one question - if you were going to let him walk, why not trade him last deadline or sign and trade him this off-season? Surely you could have gotten some good value for him...Almost as good of a value as our Papa's deal. When you buy one Papa John's Lg. 1-Topping pizza, you get an order of breadsticks for just $.99. Now that's value.

Is there any truth to the rumor Derek Fisher is dating your wife?

Are you thinking about looking forward to the future? If so, do you think you are a piece away (a la Kings retool) or do you think it may be a 2-3 year process?