Hawks Presser
Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2026 3:58 pm
TheSyndicate Holds Media Day, Insists Everything Is Fine
Flanked by a folding table and a lukewarm pitcher of ice water, 28-year-old General Manager TheSyndicate stepped to the podium Monday to address a roster that has produced a lot of stats and, by the looks of the plus/minus column, very few actual wins.
"We're excited," TheSyndicate opened, in the tone of a man who has just been told his flight is delayed indefinitely. "Every single guy on this roster is currently a minus. Every one. That's not a typo, that's not bad luck, that's a full team commitment to defense optional basketball. But we're excited."
**The Big Fella Problem**
TheSyndicate didn't shy away from the center situation, which currently consists of a 26-year-old, 7-foot-2 project named Stojan Vrankovic, who's logged limited minutes and finished with the worst efficiency numbers on the team.
"Stojan is 7-2," TheSyndicate said. "We drafted him out of nowhere — literally, his college is listed as 'None,' which either means he's a basketball savant who taught himself in a barn, or our scouting department stopped filling out the form. Either way, current rating's a 3, future's a 3, so nobody in this building is projecting a leap. We like his wingspan. We like his height. We are still working out whether he likes basketball."
Thankfully, the Willis Rebounding Corporation is open for business. Kevin Willis, 7-foot, 278 pounds, and rated a blue-chip 5 across the board, has been the best rebounder on the roster by a wide margin, shooting a strong percentage from the floor to boot. "Kevin is a man possessed on the glass," TheSyndicate said. "Triple-doubles in rebounds alone if we let him. He is 28 going on 40 and I mean that as a compliment — he plays like he's already been to war."
**The Miller Time Announcement**
If there was a bright spot bright enough to require sunglasses indoors, it was Reggie Miller, the 25-year-old shooting guard whose future rating — a 6, in purple ink, the only purple on the entire chart — stands alone above every other player in the organization.
"Reggie's been our leading scorer and he's automatic from the free-throw line," TheSyndicate said. "His future potential grade is higher than his current grade, which our analytics department tells me means he's going to be really, really good, and also means we should probably stop letting him play cards with the coaching staff, because apparently he already sees three moves ahead."
Jeff Malone, the other half of the backcourt, has matched Miller shot for shot in scoring — but on notably worse efficiency. "Jeff likes shooting," TheSyndicate said. "Jeff likes shooting quite a bit. We've asked him to consider the concept of an assist. He's considering it."
**Cummings and Robinson Hold It Down**
At forward, Terry Cummings has quietly had arguably the best all-around production on the roster not wearing purple, filling up the stat sheet across the board while posting the least-bad plus-minus on the team. "Terry is our least embarrassing minus," TheSyndicate deadpanned. "We're framing that stat and putting it in the lobby."
Cliff Robinson, 30, brought the modern stretch-four flavor with a legitimate three-point stroke to go with rock-solid all-around ratings. Rookie Chucky Brown, meanwhile, has barely seen the floor and is currently rated a 2 overall with a 3 in his future — the kind of grade that reads less like "raw talent" and more like "we're contractually obligated to list him on the roster."
"Chucky's 22," TheSyndicate said. "He's got time. Not a lot of it, based on what our scouts are telling me, but some."
**The Backcourt of Tomorrow, Maybe**
Point guard Sherman Douglas, only 24, quietly leads the team in assists by a mile and carries a blue-rated 5-and-5 across current and future grades — arguably the second-most encouraging arrow on the whole roster after Miller. Veteran Kelvin Ransey, 32, is presumably around to mentor him, hold clipboards, and remind everyone what a zone defense looked like in 1982.
Lewis Lloyd, 31, has the worst plus-minus on the entire team by a country mile, prompting one reporter to ask, only half-joking, whether Lloyd was on the floor for the other team's best stretches by accident. "We've reviewed the film," TheSyndicate said. "We have chosen not to discuss the film."
**The Anecdote**
Asked for a lighter moment from camp, TheSyndicate recalled a scrimmage in which Stojan Vrankovic, the mysterious 7-2 center with no listed college, reportedly got so lost during a shell defense drill that he ended up guarding the scorer's table. "The scorer's table had a great game," TheSyndicate said. "Zero points allowed. If we could just clone that energy into an actual matchup, we'd be undefeated."
**Goals for the Season**
Pressed on actual expectations, TheSyndicate turned serious, or as serious as a man discussing an eleven-man roster that's deep in the red across the board can be.
"Short term, we want a positive plus-minus by Thanksgiving. That's the bar. That's genuinely the bar right now. Long term, we're building around Reggie and Sherman, we're leaning on Kevin and Terry to hold the fort while that develops, and we're going to figure out exactly what Stojan Vrankovic is, cosmically, as a basketball player. Every team needs a mystery. Ours is seven-foot-two."
Asked if he'd characterize the season as a rebuild, TheSyndicate paused for a long moment.
"I'd characterize it as a work in progress with a really good free-throw shooter," he said. "We'll take that into October."
Flanked by a folding table and a lukewarm pitcher of ice water, 28-year-old General Manager TheSyndicate stepped to the podium Monday to address a roster that has produced a lot of stats and, by the looks of the plus/minus column, very few actual wins.
"We're excited," TheSyndicate opened, in the tone of a man who has just been told his flight is delayed indefinitely. "Every single guy on this roster is currently a minus. Every one. That's not a typo, that's not bad luck, that's a full team commitment to defense optional basketball. But we're excited."
**The Big Fella Problem**
TheSyndicate didn't shy away from the center situation, which currently consists of a 26-year-old, 7-foot-2 project named Stojan Vrankovic, who's logged limited minutes and finished with the worst efficiency numbers on the team.
"Stojan is 7-2," TheSyndicate said. "We drafted him out of nowhere — literally, his college is listed as 'None,' which either means he's a basketball savant who taught himself in a barn, or our scouting department stopped filling out the form. Either way, current rating's a 3, future's a 3, so nobody in this building is projecting a leap. We like his wingspan. We like his height. We are still working out whether he likes basketball."
Thankfully, the Willis Rebounding Corporation is open for business. Kevin Willis, 7-foot, 278 pounds, and rated a blue-chip 5 across the board, has been the best rebounder on the roster by a wide margin, shooting a strong percentage from the floor to boot. "Kevin is a man possessed on the glass," TheSyndicate said. "Triple-doubles in rebounds alone if we let him. He is 28 going on 40 and I mean that as a compliment — he plays like he's already been to war."
**The Miller Time Announcement**
If there was a bright spot bright enough to require sunglasses indoors, it was Reggie Miller, the 25-year-old shooting guard whose future rating — a 6, in purple ink, the only purple on the entire chart — stands alone above every other player in the organization.
"Reggie's been our leading scorer and he's automatic from the free-throw line," TheSyndicate said. "His future potential grade is higher than his current grade, which our analytics department tells me means he's going to be really, really good, and also means we should probably stop letting him play cards with the coaching staff, because apparently he already sees three moves ahead."
Jeff Malone, the other half of the backcourt, has matched Miller shot for shot in scoring — but on notably worse efficiency. "Jeff likes shooting," TheSyndicate said. "Jeff likes shooting quite a bit. We've asked him to consider the concept of an assist. He's considering it."
**Cummings and Robinson Hold It Down**
At forward, Terry Cummings has quietly had arguably the best all-around production on the roster not wearing purple, filling up the stat sheet across the board while posting the least-bad plus-minus on the team. "Terry is our least embarrassing minus," TheSyndicate deadpanned. "We're framing that stat and putting it in the lobby."
Cliff Robinson, 30, brought the modern stretch-four flavor with a legitimate three-point stroke to go with rock-solid all-around ratings. Rookie Chucky Brown, meanwhile, has barely seen the floor and is currently rated a 2 overall with a 3 in his future — the kind of grade that reads less like "raw talent" and more like "we're contractually obligated to list him on the roster."
"Chucky's 22," TheSyndicate said. "He's got time. Not a lot of it, based on what our scouts are telling me, but some."
**The Backcourt of Tomorrow, Maybe**
Point guard Sherman Douglas, only 24, quietly leads the team in assists by a mile and carries a blue-rated 5-and-5 across current and future grades — arguably the second-most encouraging arrow on the whole roster after Miller. Veteran Kelvin Ransey, 32, is presumably around to mentor him, hold clipboards, and remind everyone what a zone defense looked like in 1982.
Lewis Lloyd, 31, has the worst plus-minus on the entire team by a country mile, prompting one reporter to ask, only half-joking, whether Lloyd was on the floor for the other team's best stretches by accident. "We've reviewed the film," TheSyndicate said. "We have chosen not to discuss the film."
**The Anecdote**
Asked for a lighter moment from camp, TheSyndicate recalled a scrimmage in which Stojan Vrankovic, the mysterious 7-2 center with no listed college, reportedly got so lost during a shell defense drill that he ended up guarding the scorer's table. "The scorer's table had a great game," TheSyndicate said. "Zero points allowed. If we could just clone that energy into an actual matchup, we'd be undefeated."
**Goals for the Season**
Pressed on actual expectations, TheSyndicate turned serious, or as serious as a man discussing an eleven-man roster that's deep in the red across the board can be.
"Short term, we want a positive plus-minus by Thanksgiving. That's the bar. That's genuinely the bar right now. Long term, we're building around Reggie and Sherman, we're leaning on Kevin and Terry to hold the fort while that develops, and we're going to figure out exactly what Stojan Vrankovic is, cosmically, as a basketball player. Every team needs a mystery. Ours is seven-foot-two."
Asked if he'd characterize the season as a rebuild, TheSyndicate paused for a long moment.
"I'd characterize it as a work in progress with a really good free-throw shooter," he said. "We'll take that into October."