#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

A black-and-white camera comes into focus on the shape of a cat wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora. He stands in front of a window, with rain dripping down the window and a soft backlighting of street lights silhouetting his head. While the cat's lips don't move, a film noir-type voiceover rolls.

"Another year, another failure. I was getting kind of tired of this act. People will say, 'Wig, you won the Pacific.' Yeah, well we didn't win the whole thing.

"Golden State was a bad beat. Another year, another run-in with a dominant big man finishing us. First Dawkins, then Moses. Same old story.

"I felt bad about letting the old man go, I really did. But Kareem was brought here to counteract the likes of Moses Malone and he failed miserably. Just like me. His failure is on me. I brought him in and it wasn't enough. So here I am, in the rainy Northwest, trying desperately to concoct a winner.

"I thought for a moment about last off-season. Did I regret shipping of Bernard for Kareem? Not really. Could I have foreseen the way Bernard would morph into a superstar to spite me? No.

"Was my team-building method holding him back? Had I valued the collective over the individual? Everyone seemed impressed with all my players averaging double digits last season. Yeah. Impressed right up to the point where we crashed out of the playoffs to a superstar.

"It's this division. I hate the fact that I'm stuck competing with two teams built around overpowered players. Get by the Suns and the Warriors clip you. Get by the Warriors and the Suns clip you."

The camera tightens up as Wig's lip curls in a sneer and his eyes narrow.

"It was that IamQuailman jerk. He backstabbed me - backstabbed the whole league - by sending Parish to team with Moses. As if Golden State wasn't trouble enough. Now I will have to make him pay. I will make them all pay.

"I thought I was clever last year identifying the Seattle tank job early and pouncing on Darwin Cook and Norm Nixon. What did Cook do to show my gratitude for getting him out of that place? He went back to them. Frustrating. At least I was able to parlay Norm into James Worthy.

"Of course, now everyone thinks I want players that were on the Lakers in some alternate reality. Fine. Let them think that. Of course, I wouldn't mind getting Magic...

"No, no, come on, focus. Of course there was disappointment in Cook crawling back to the Sonics. There was anger in the Bullets poaching both Hubbard and Griffin after never once expressing any interest in them during the last two years. All of these cheap GMs. They'll climb all over each other to sign your guys in Free Agency when they don't have to give you anything back."

The cat's eyes brighten and he grins a bit.

"But we have our Hubbard/Griffin replacement ready to go. We'll show them. We'll show them all!

"Still not entirely sure I had to sign Kelser for as much as I did, but after watching Hubbard, Cook, and Griffin depart, I am glad I didn't risk it. Then of course the TC gods decide to slap Rambis down just like they did Cartwright last year. TC insurance may be expensive, but it's less expensive than re-training potentials. Sure would be nice if they could leave my bigs alone for a season.

"Just ask Cedric Maxwell. I still can't believe he took up a fried gravy shot habit after we gave him the bag. Oh, well, I guess that's my revenge on IamQuailman for shipping Parish to Golden State.

"So what's the plan this year? See if James Worthy can pick up the scoring slack the loss of Kareem will create and see if we can continue to dominate on the glass.

"Push the Warriors. Make them crumble. Also, finding a way to take a TC-sized pipewrench to their bigs' knees when nobody's looking wouldn't hurt. But this division is tough. The Lakers and Clippers have some scary starting fives. The Sonics aren't tanking. The Warriors and Suns still have Moses and Magic. What have we got?

"Salt. We're going to be powered by salt. I'll show them all that they may have all the flash, but we are still the BluntForceTraumaBlazers and that if I'm willing to trade King and Kareem, I'm willing to trade absolutely anyone if the price is right. Yes, the players will all learn to fear me."

Justin Bieber, Teremana.com: Like me take this opportunity to welcome you back. I've heard the "legend" stories about the Cat. Asking for a friend, who is scare to write a presser. Can we purchase a software for TV Nodes? For my real question, The Pacific Division is full of top scorers, based on preseason results, are you planning to sign any defensive players. Thanks

One might argue that this isn't the first time Quailman ruined sim league! Instead of sliming his trade partner, he slimed the league lol

Jokes aside, the BluntForceTraumaBlazers will never sleep on their laurels. Is it safe to assume this roster is but a starting point for the 1982 season? How do you measure success this year if other teams look poised to come out on top?

Marc H. Morial, Englewood Press: As you know, fans and even some analysts are privately wondering if you can still reach the pinnacle of this sport. How do you personally assess your chances of winning another championship?

jlmarines wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 12:43 pm Justin Bieber, Teremana.com: Like me take this opportunity to welcome you back. I've heard the "legend" stories about the Cat. Asking for a friend, who is scare to write a presser. Can we purchase a software for TV Nodes? For my real question, The Pacific Division is full of top scorers, based on preseason results, are you planning to sign any defensive players. Thanks

The old TeamViewer nodes are going to stay retired (mostly because TeamViewer seems to think we are a commercial enterprise and wants to charge us accordingly) but I do have some other Remote Connector options we can go with if the commissioner approves of this as an input method.

So I think step 1 is "seek the commissioner's blessing" and step 2 would be "contact Wig" - if we have the commissioner's blessing, I think I can get everything set up for a one-time cost, and if that happens, I'll make a document for the steps available on the forums.

greepleairport wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 12:45 pm One might argue that this isn't the first time Quailman ruined sim league! Instead of sliming his trade partner, he slimed the league lol

Jokes aside, the BluntForceTraumaBlazers will never sleep on their laurels. Is it safe to assume this roster is but a starting point for the 1982 season? How do you measure success this year if other teams look poised to come out on top?

Success around here is always measured by one question: Did I win the championship?

Is this roster a starting point for the 1982 season? Yes. How will it change? That depends. If the right opportunities present themselves, I will pounce. If not, I think I have a solid foundation to challenge for many seasons because that question repeats itself every single season and I can't get short-sighted and give up on multiple seasons' worth of shots at a title for a shot in one season.

Do I acknowledge other teams may have better odds of winning? Of course. But nothing is guaranteed and my goal is to make sure every single year I have a legitimate championship shot.

RPF wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 12:50 pm Marc H. Morial, Englewood Press: As you know, fans and even some analysts are privately wondering if you can still reach the pinnacle of this sport. How do you personally assess your chances of winning another championship?

There are too many variables to be able to predict a title for certain. A single injury at the wrong time can bring down an otherwise promising team. All I can do is make sure I have a decent chance every year and at some point, statistics say things will go my way. That doesn't start by making the playoffs, by the way. It starts with having a comprehensive plan to stack the odds of winning in my favor... but that's different than "rigging" the odds.

If you like, imagine each season as a deck of cards. Each card has a team's name on it. The deck gets shuffled, and the top card is drawn, and that's the champion. "Rigging" the deck would be manipulating it to put a card that says "Trailblazers" on top. But that's lame. Stacking the deck would be putting extra cards that say "Trailblazers" in the deck before the shuffle. I can't guarantee a win but as long as I make sure I usually have the most cards in the deck, over time, I'm going to win more than my share.

Trades, training, free agency, depth charts... all of those are ways to throw "Trailblazers" cards in the deck, and it's finding as many ways as possible to do that gets my juices flowing. The draw is almost anticlimactic.

Was James Worthy your pick cause of his real life lakers connections?

We always say this, but your team doesn't look primed as a true contender this season. What do you think will separate you from the rest of the West that can get you to believe you can make it thru to the Finals? Any answers for Malone yet?

Eazy P wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 1:45 pm Was James Worthy your pick cause of his real life lakers connections?

No. I felt he was the best player on the board, full stop. I did consider Sleepy Floyd, but didn't like the gap between his potential and current ratings... I thought it would take him way too long to develop.

Darth Vegito wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 1:59 pm We always say this, but your team doesn't look primed as a true contender this season. What do you think will separate you from the rest of the West that can get you to believe you can make it thru to the Finals? Any answers for Malone yet?

Consistency. Top to bottom, this team is built not around a star, but to have every player on the team execute a very specific gameplan. Once the league figures out how to stop that game plan, maybe I'll have to go star hunting.

I keep asking the TC gods what they want me to trade for their nerfhammer and they keep ignoring me. So no answers yet, I'm afraid.

Can we make a deal for my pick already?


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AngryBanana wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 3:34 pm Can we make a deal for my pick already?


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Security!

If you could take over any team as GM or Coach (or both!) which one would you choose?

K-100 wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 3:36 pm If you could take over any team as GM or Coach (or both!) which one would you choose?

The Hawks. It's so frustrating to keep reminding myself I'm in Portland, not Oldlanta.

Thus far, I've really enjoyed some of the trade negotiations we've had, even though we haven't closed a deal.
We are both pretty active on the markets, and sometimes we're splitting hairs, and then we both turn around and get what we were looking for from other teams. But I know my call list is much shorter than yours, mostly because some GM's have utterly wasted my time in the past. How many GM's do you keep contact with?

Mike Lowry wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 7:20 pm Thus far, I've really enjoyed some of the trade negotiations we've had, even though we haven't closed a deal.
We are both pretty active on the markets, and sometimes we're splitting hairs, and then we both turn around and get what we were looking for from other teams. But I know my call list is much shorter than yours, mostly because some GM's have utterly wasted my time in the past. How many GM's do you keep contact with?

Portland, unlike Milwaukee, does not maintain a no-trade list. So, 22, I guess?

Bruce Wayne, Gotham Gazette.

I traveled across the country just for a glimpse of the cat. Big fan. I don’t care what they say about you back home.

Anyway, while your reputation lends itself to finding a way to win, this division truly is a gauntlet. Any thoughts of selling for the future instead of trying to buy the right puzzle pieces run through that big naked head of yours? Or is that just not your style?


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NY_Magic_Garrett wrote: Mon Apr 14, 2025 9:10 pm Bruce Wayne, Gotham Gazette.

I traveled across the country just for a glimpse of the cat. Big fan. I don’t care what they say about you back home.

Anyway, while your reputation lends itself to finding a way to win, this division truly is a gauntlet. Any thoughts of selling for the future instead of trying to buy the right puzzle pieces run through that big naked head of yours? Or is that just not your style?


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When I am convinced I have no reasonable shot at a title with my roster as constituted and no reasonable expectation of improvement sufficient to get me a title shot without wholesale roster changes, well then there will be wholesale roster changes.

As far as selling for the future, the challenge here is to create a paradigm that allows us both to compete now AND in the future. I think asking to choose just one is a false dichotomy until it is proven that one is impossible )(and since the future is unknowable that means it must be proven that winning now is impossible… or at least very unlikely).

I do not believe this roster is at that point yet,