What Would Greeple Do?
Posted: Tue Dec 26, 2023 5:13 pm
The playoff brackets were cut off after sim 11 with the Cavaliers firmly claiming the 7th seed in Alpha, and the Kings claiming 7th in Omega (a statistical impossibility to fall out of 7th, in this case). The more interesting stories in the league regard the top of Alpha, with the Nuggets and Pacers tied for 1st in their knockdown dragout Silky Johnson division, followed closely the Bulls, besting the Nuggets and Pacers by 2+ point-differentials each. Not too shabby.
Everyone else is either on a collision course with the Lakers and/or Spurs or getting ready to be sim-bored for the next few weeks, and that’s exactly what I want to address: everything from the disaster of sitting well above .500 and missing the playoffs (Raptors) to shooting yourself in the foot no matter what you do (Jazz / Mavericks). So let me tell you what I would do if I were you.
In order of most to least interesting teams, sort of, not readying themselves for the playoffs: What Would Greeple Do???
Raptors
The true shame of the season is this team missing the playoffs. Having consistently ruffled others’ feathers during the playoffs, I was looking forward to this team wreaking a bit of havoc.
Without a playoff berth, however, this team has reached a bit of purgatory. Markus Ridenhour’s contract is still on the books for 2 more years, minimum, and even teams in tax hell would be wary of taking on this salary for a mere 10pts. His best days are behind him, now, but he would be a great player to have on a contending team at half his contract’s price. So, the Raps are stuck with Markus for at least one more season.
Given that, we can rest assured that Kevon Looney will stay put next year, or else any value that Markus has will be lost, because Ayo Dosunmu might be tough to retain, too. Kevon and Markus are making $182m of the payroll, and Brown will be getting re-signed as an RFA, probably for a decent amount of cash.
Then again, it might make sense to test the Kevon Looney trade waters. He’s the most tradeable prospect, and it could also free up some money to retain Dosunmu and sell him, too. This could clear the path for a Kamari / Ridenhour only team which could pad both of their stats nicely.
What Greeple would do: Blow the team up and get what I can for Looney to start over with a new build. There is no clear and obvious path forward in Toronto, unfortunately. Take each trade, each signing, each negotiation as it comes and make what feels like the best decision at that particular time. Nothing else can really happen until Markus is off the books, which is not next year, so lock and load for a ‘tweener year and plan for S69 (nice).
Mavericks
The team that should be in the playoffs that was not because they managed themselves into one of the worst records in the league, the Mavericks are endlessly interesting to discuss. No one knows why LTS is doing what he’s doing, except LTS. I think the best guess is what my wife (his sister) said: He’s going to do things his way until he wins and then yell at everyone that he was right to do everything he did, and that it was all part of his plan.
If true, how can you not love this guy?? lol
But for those of us who read his Preseason Presser, we know that LTS thought he had a playoff winning formula THIS season, and that formula included benching two of his best players. Benching Angel Reese was less egregious than benching Dominitrix, but it still meant that players like Joaquin McCabe, Kevin Peaslee and Gary Payton II (late season acquisition because… real life GP2 isn’t bad??) got actual minutes over Angel and Dominitrix, two unequivocally better players than all 3 of the others combined with only their best traits.
…Which are none. Their best traits are nothingburgers.
The real question is, at which point did the Mavericks decide to tank, while they were tanking? When did they figure out their winning formula was not a winner? Will they have another sad song presser in S68 about not winning a very winnable season? Will they take any advice from anyone?
No. No, they will not take any advice. From anyone.
What Greeple Would Do: Take literally anyone else’s advice and stop losing, because Greeple would not have fun losing with a winning team.
Hawks
LTS’s protege, cashcab has had much more success than LTS, and still had more success this season with a losing team than the Mavericks did with a winning team. They saw things were not panning out a winner this season and made a drastic move to acquire the league-voted MVP from S66, Ron Harper Jr. It was a desperate move, but absolutely the best desperate move a team in his position could make. Unfortunately it did not pan out and now they have some pretty tough decisions to make this offseason.
What Greeple Would Do: Put Phil on the trade block and field offers from every GM that has had a boner for Uncle Phil for 10 seasons plus. His return could have been higher this year than next year, but he could still pull off a Ron Harper Jr. late-but-massive return like RPF did sending RHJr to the Celtics.
Greeple would not say yes to the first offer from any GM. At least not without consulting someone (in addition to LTS).
Greeple would also try to sign Justin Amos to a supermax…to trade him to the highest bidder. Amos is unlikely to return to ATL, but cashcab still has to TRY to retain him. Has to.
Then, let the rebuild begin.
Nets
Ya know what? Not a ton to say here the more that I think about it.
What Greeple Would Do: What RPF is already doing. Great looking rebuild so far, sir.
Wizards
It sucks seeing Xist in this position. I believe Gman wrote in a town hall earlier this season that it would be great to see the Wizards draft truly elite talent to build around. Xist has done wonders with players that no one else would know about otherwise, but unfortunately he could only work so much magic in the Remy Martin era, and Remy decided to leave.
Such a shame. We’re all rooting for Xist to get some good sim news soon.
What Greeple Would Do: Pray for a high lotto spot. If I don’t get it, use these two picks and any other ammo necessary to get as high as the top 3 in this draft, preferably top 2. It’s time for a future MVP caliber player to walk in to Washington and turn their franchise around.
Pelicans
I hit 1000 words sooner than I thought so
What Greeple Would Do: Be bad for another season or 2 and accrue some tradeable assets to build back the Pelicans and contend in about 5 or so seasons. Yeah, I’d play the long game here.
Magic
What Greeple Would Do: Send Hershal Gilmore to the Warriors for 7pts. Add in Robert Hannon and hell, Warriors might send the full 10.
And the not very interesting at all:
Jazz
What Greeple Would Do: try
Heat
What Greeple Would Do: what Mike Lowry is already doing
Grizzlies
What Greeple Would Do: start thinking about assets to keep as that tax bill expires
Celtics
What Greeple Would Do: Send Antonio Gates Jr to the Warriors for 4pts
Warriors
What Greeple Would Do: your mom
Everyone else is either on a collision course with the Lakers and/or Spurs or getting ready to be sim-bored for the next few weeks, and that’s exactly what I want to address: everything from the disaster of sitting well above .500 and missing the playoffs (Raptors) to shooting yourself in the foot no matter what you do (Jazz / Mavericks). So let me tell you what I would do if I were you.
In order of most to least interesting teams, sort of, not readying themselves for the playoffs: What Would Greeple Do???
Raptors
The true shame of the season is this team missing the playoffs. Having consistently ruffled others’ feathers during the playoffs, I was looking forward to this team wreaking a bit of havoc.
Without a playoff berth, however, this team has reached a bit of purgatory. Markus Ridenhour’s contract is still on the books for 2 more years, minimum, and even teams in tax hell would be wary of taking on this salary for a mere 10pts. His best days are behind him, now, but he would be a great player to have on a contending team at half his contract’s price. So, the Raps are stuck with Markus for at least one more season.
Given that, we can rest assured that Kevon Looney will stay put next year, or else any value that Markus has will be lost, because Ayo Dosunmu might be tough to retain, too. Kevon and Markus are making $182m of the payroll, and Brown will be getting re-signed as an RFA, probably for a decent amount of cash.
Then again, it might make sense to test the Kevon Looney trade waters. He’s the most tradeable prospect, and it could also free up some money to retain Dosunmu and sell him, too. This could clear the path for a Kamari / Ridenhour only team which could pad both of their stats nicely.
What Greeple would do: Blow the team up and get what I can for Looney to start over with a new build. There is no clear and obvious path forward in Toronto, unfortunately. Take each trade, each signing, each negotiation as it comes and make what feels like the best decision at that particular time. Nothing else can really happen until Markus is off the books, which is not next year, so lock and load for a ‘tweener year and plan for S69 (nice).
Mavericks
The team that should be in the playoffs that was not because they managed themselves into one of the worst records in the league, the Mavericks are endlessly interesting to discuss. No one knows why LTS is doing what he’s doing, except LTS. I think the best guess is what my wife (his sister) said: He’s going to do things his way until he wins and then yell at everyone that he was right to do everything he did, and that it was all part of his plan.
If true, how can you not love this guy?? lol
But for those of us who read his Preseason Presser, we know that LTS thought he had a playoff winning formula THIS season, and that formula included benching two of his best players. Benching Angel Reese was less egregious than benching Dominitrix, but it still meant that players like Joaquin McCabe, Kevin Peaslee and Gary Payton II (late season acquisition because… real life GP2 isn’t bad??) got actual minutes over Angel and Dominitrix, two unequivocally better players than all 3 of the others combined with only their best traits.
…Which are none. Their best traits are nothingburgers.
The real question is, at which point did the Mavericks decide to tank, while they were tanking? When did they figure out their winning formula was not a winner? Will they have another sad song presser in S68 about not winning a very winnable season? Will they take any advice from anyone?
No. No, they will not take any advice. From anyone.
What Greeple Would Do: Take literally anyone else’s advice and stop losing, because Greeple would not have fun losing with a winning team.
Hawks
LTS’s protege, cashcab has had much more success than LTS, and still had more success this season with a losing team than the Mavericks did with a winning team. They saw things were not panning out a winner this season and made a drastic move to acquire the league-voted MVP from S66, Ron Harper Jr. It was a desperate move, but absolutely the best desperate move a team in his position could make. Unfortunately it did not pan out and now they have some pretty tough decisions to make this offseason.
What Greeple Would Do: Put Phil on the trade block and field offers from every GM that has had a boner for Uncle Phil for 10 seasons plus. His return could have been higher this year than next year, but he could still pull off a Ron Harper Jr. late-but-massive return like RPF did sending RHJr to the Celtics.
Greeple would not say yes to the first offer from any GM. At least not without consulting someone (in addition to LTS).
Greeple would also try to sign Justin Amos to a supermax…to trade him to the highest bidder. Amos is unlikely to return to ATL, but cashcab still has to TRY to retain him. Has to.
Then, let the rebuild begin.
Nets
Ya know what? Not a ton to say here the more that I think about it.
What Greeple Would Do: What RPF is already doing. Great looking rebuild so far, sir.
Wizards
It sucks seeing Xist in this position. I believe Gman wrote in a town hall earlier this season that it would be great to see the Wizards draft truly elite talent to build around. Xist has done wonders with players that no one else would know about otherwise, but unfortunately he could only work so much magic in the Remy Martin era, and Remy decided to leave.
Such a shame. We’re all rooting for Xist to get some good sim news soon.
What Greeple Would Do: Pray for a high lotto spot. If I don’t get it, use these two picks and any other ammo necessary to get as high as the top 3 in this draft, preferably top 2. It’s time for a future MVP caliber player to walk in to Washington and turn their franchise around.
Pelicans
I hit 1000 words sooner than I thought so
What Greeple Would Do: Be bad for another season or 2 and accrue some tradeable assets to build back the Pelicans and contend in about 5 or so seasons. Yeah, I’d play the long game here.
Magic
What Greeple Would Do: Send Hershal Gilmore to the Warriors for 7pts. Add in Robert Hannon and hell, Warriors might send the full 10.
And the not very interesting at all:
Jazz
What Greeple Would Do: try
Heat
What Greeple Would Do: what Mike Lowry is already doing
Grizzlies
What Greeple Would Do: start thinking about assets to keep as that tax bill expires
Celtics
What Greeple Would Do: Send Antonio Gates Jr to the Warriors for 4pts
Warriors
What Greeple Would Do: your mom