#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Inspired by a recent Bleacher Report article, I am going to be breaking down each team's ideal NBA Jam style lineup. In traditional NBA Jam style, I am going to have one good dribbler, one good big man for blocks, and another player of my choosing. I will identify the Alpha, or the main guy for each squad. Next will be the complementary players who are going to be the other two options for the court. Finally, I will provide a cheat code and tell you what that cheat code brings to the game. I will work my way through each division. After I am done each division, tell me who you would choose as your team.

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

Atlantic will win

Washington Wizards


Alpha – Rashard Lewis
Rashard Lewis has really come out of his shell this year. A 6-10 player that can shoot threes like Ray Allen in his prime. Lewis may be the best player in this game.
Complementary Crew – Lamar Odom, Anthony Johnson
Another big body in Lamar Odom to receive alley oops from the speedy Anthony Johnson. Although these two players are quality, don’t expect the ball to come out of Lewis’s hands often in the game.
Cheat Code: DYNAMITEDAVID
If the team is behind by a 15 points or more, Anthony Johnson transforms into David Wesley for an out of nowhere come from behind pursuit. All Wizards shooting percentages increase by 1.5x and David Wesley is on fire until the game is tied or the Wizards take the lead.

Boston Celtics


Alpha – Steve Francis
This combo guard uses his quickness to get by players. He is a better finisher at the rim than anyone else on his team. Used as the primary ball handler, look for Francis to put the ball in the basket himself using his quickness and leaping ability.
Complementary Crew – Steven Hunter, John Salmons
Hunter is the rim protector, which leaves Salmons to shoot the threes. All they need is for Steve to pass the ball.
Cheat Code: ZOTHEZEQUEL
Steven Hunter transforms into Alonzo Mourning from his prime during the fourth quarter, more often than not, leading the Celtics to victory.

Philadelphia 76ers


Alpha – Baron Davis
This point guard can do it all. He is a top stealer in the league. He has the quickness and passing ability to maintain the ball. He is a good scorer including from deep.
Complementary Crew – Richard Hamilton, Elden Campbell
If the player chooses Rip, this team will be a three point heavy team. With Davis and Hamilton both jacking up threes, this team will have to outscore anyone with a big man. If the player chooses Campbell, this team will have a presence down low to block some shots, but Davis would have to carry the workload offensively.
Cheat Code: ORANGEJULIUS
Every player sprouts 70s afros and will superjump on every dunk attempt a la Dr. J.

Miami Heat


Alpha –Steve Smith
This ageless wonder is going to be representing the point guard for this team. Because of his big stature, he will have a more successful push rate against smaller players.
Complementary Crew – Doug Christie, Joel Pryzbilia
This lineup does not intimidate anyone offensively, but defensively, it is a monster lineup. Between Smith’s size, Christie’s perimeter defense, and Pryzbilia’s blocing prowess, look for the Heat to try to shut teams down instead of outscore them.
Cheat Code: IFTHEGLOVEDONTFIT
Gary Payton appears on the sidelines and every Heat player on the court has their dribbling and passing skills moved to 100. No one can get the ball stolen.

Orlando Magic


Alpha – Mike Miller
This 3 point specialist is an NBA Jam nightmare. He is quick enough to get across the court without getting pushed and jack up threes making them more often than not.
Complementary Crew – Tyson Chandler, Anthony Peeler
This lineup may be a popular one in the east. With Tyson Chandler’s ability to finish at the rim and block shots. Also, Peeler is a great three point shooter that’s just slightly less quick than Miller. This could be a potent threat.
Cheat Code: SMD
The three members of the team transform into the 1997 roster of Jason Kidd, Bruce Bowen, and Scottie Pippen. The other team can only score from dunks.

New Jersey Nets


Alpha – Corey Maggette
A decent three point shooter for someone his size, he is primarily an at the rim scorer. What makes him the alpha is his jumping ability
Complementary Crew – Rasheed Wallace, Jamal Tinsley
Rasheed Wallace is also a big guy that primarily scores at the rim but can also step out and shoot the three. Are you going to pair these two together? The other option is to go with Jamal Tinsley. Tinsley is the best ball handler on the team as well as defensive threat with his stealing ablilty. However, his only offensive production is more than likely from behind the arc.
Cheat Code: THEGUGLIOTTAEFFECT
All players on the team turn white and their scoring efficiencies automatically double inside of the paint.

New York Knicks


Alpha – Tony Delk
This shooting point guard isn’t the quickest, but will definitely knock down some shots.
Complementary Crew – Yao Ming, Eric Piatkowski
Yao brings the size to the court to block almost any dunk attempt. Piatkowski is the in between player that can do a little bit of everything.
Cheat Code: BACKTOTHEFUTURE
In the third quarter, Yao Ming ages 2 years and is the dominant force we expect him to be. All goaltending is turnd off for the quarter. Unfortunately, in the fourth quarter, Yao Ming ages 2 more years and is now the slowest person on the court and cant even jump high enough to dunk due to repeated injuries.

Atlanta Hawks


Alpha – Anfernee Hardaway
At 6-7 as a point guard, with the ability to score from anywhere on the court, and the strength to take a beating, Penny is by far the best player in the game.
Complementary Crew – Ben Wallace, Grant Hill
Pairing penny with grant hill will probably not be the popular choice here. Ben Wallace brings strength and defense and rebounding. The combo of big ben and penny is a team that will hardly ever get knocked down to accumulate injuries in the game.
Cheat Code: THATMAGICMOMENT
Everybody on the court will have a top dribbling and passing rating for that game; however, one player chosen at random will not be able to play the following game due to an aids flair up.

Toronto Raptors


Alpha – Chauncey Billups
This choice might be a surprise to some, but Billups game just carries over better to NBA Jam world. He has the dribbling ability to get past people and distribute. He is a top steals guy. He, also, has a 100 rating on three points, which is deadly in the game.
Complementary Crew – Michael Finley, Elton Brand
No knock on Michael Finley, he is a great player too. He can score from inside and outside and will be a force to recon with. Pairing him and Billups up could be a great three point team. Elton Brand can finish at the rim, but he doesn’t provide as much rim protection as other teams have.
Cheat Code: FLORENCEONSPEEDDIAL
This cheat code allows the Raptors to have Florence Nightingale on the sidelines, which prevents any of their players from having injuries.

Chicago Bulls


Alpha – Tim Thomas
A big guy that has a 100 rating on threes? Yes, please! He could be the top scorer on the court for either team every game. Only issue, he doesn’t bring any rim protection
Complementary Crew – Kobe Bryant, Mike Bibby
With Thomas as the big guy, we brought in Bibby as the dribbler. His quickness and ability to jack up threes will make him a valuable asset on the NBA Jam court. This leaves Kobe as the odd player out. He just doesn’t have the handles/passing to be the main guard or the size to be the main big. There is one thing that is not questioned: Kobe is a scorer.
Cheat Code: HANDCUFFSONFIRE
Each time Kobe passes the ball on the offensive side of the court to a team mate, he automatically gets rewarded with fire for that one possession encouraging him to actually get his teammates involved.

Cleveland Caveliers


Alpha – Allen Iverson
Iverson’s 100 quickness and 97 jump will be an array of highlight reel dunks from the point guard position.
Complementary Crew – Latrell Sprewell, Shawn Bradley
Sprewell is a natural scorer with the ability to shoot the deep ball which is a key in NBA Jam. He also has ball handing abilities which is rare for someone his size. Speaking of size. Shawn Bradley brings an elite rim protection to the game that we don’t see very often in the league. Only downside, he is susceptible to getting dunked on which is an increase of injuries for Bradley.
Cheat Code: ISWAYNEBRADYGONNAHAVETOCHOKEABITCH?
Latrell Sprewell chokes the opposing teams headcoach at the beginning of the fourth quarter disabling the other team from being able to catch fire for the remainder of the game.

Detroit Pistons


Alpha – Jason Terry
This steal driven, three first point guard is exactly what a point guard should be in this game. He brings the ability to play on both ends of the court.
Complementary Crew – Brian Grant, James Posey
This complementary crew isn’t exactly scaring anyone offensively, but the power, rebounding and blocking from Grant combed with the shut down ability of Posey is quite a threat defensively.
Cheat Code: THREESONFIRE
Reggie Miller appears as a fourth player option to play with. He has 100 rating on threes and steals.

Indiana Pacers


Alpha – Paul Pierce
The Truth is the team here. He is going to have to handle all of the scoring ability. Good thing he has the prowess to do so.
Complementary Crew – Brian Skinner, Brevin Knight
These two players are simply on the court for rim protection and dribbling ability respectively. Knight also has a really high steal rating.
Cheat Code: WHEELCHAIRBASKETBALL
At the beginning of the fourth quarter, Paul Pierce overcomes all of his injuries and plays like it is the start of the game.

Milwaukee Bucks


Alpha – Ron Artest
This three and D specialist creates havoc on both ends of the court with just enough quickness and strength to work through the opponents defense
Complementary Crew – David Wesley, Amare Staudemire
In his elder years, Wesley has lost a step, but he is still a good distributor and defender that can make shots when asked upon. Amare, with his 100 jump, will be the rim protector and finisher at the basket. Look for big showings from this young gun.
Cheat Code: BANGOTHEBUCK
All players have the Bango the Buck mascot head on for the entire game, which increases the jump by 10 rating and also makes it impossible to simply steal the ball from the player due to the horns being in the way.

Charlotte Hornets


Alpha – Jamaal Mashburn
As the best player on his team, Mashburn is primarily an inside scorer with a better than average ability to hit a three pointer.
Complementary Crew – Shammond Williams, Keon Clark
Shammond has quickness to get past most players and a decent three point shot. With an 81 block, Keon Clark is the rim protector needed in NBA Jam.
Cheat Code: THEPARISHLINE
Robert Parish becomes a playable character on this team, immediately improving the rim protection and inside scoring.

This is awesome

Conroy wrote:This is awesome

Seconded. Keep 'em coming!

Yes. Yes, and yes. More please.

Dallas Mavericks


Alpha – Marcus Camby
A big man that can flush down dunks and block shots for days. This is a cornerstone player in NBA Jam
Complementary Crew – Derek Fisher, Antawn Jamison
Derek Fisher got the nod at PG over Andre Miller due to his three and d type of play. That style is valuable in this game. Antawn Jamison is a bulk scorer. He prefers to play by the rim. Anticipate Jamison seeing the least amount of time on this team.
Cheat Code: KAMEHAMEHA
Your head coach changes on the sideline to a fused super saijan. You lose all control of your team and Darth Vegito takes over the players.

VanMemphis Grizzlies


Alpha – Vince Carter
This high flyer is going to tear down rims in NBA Jam. He has the ability to step back behind the arc, but everyone is going to be looking for that highlight real dunk.
Complementary Crew – Steve Nash, Pau Gasol
Steve Nash is a purist point guard with shifty moves to get into the lane past people. Pau Gasol is not your typical NBA Jam player, but he has a seven foot frame that will provide some rim protection.
Cheat Code:VINSANITY
Vince Carter gains fire from making only one shot with specialty dunks dedicated to his character alone including his dunks from the 2000 slam dunk contest.

San Antonio Spurs


Alpha – Ray Allen
The alpha three point shooter in the league. Allen boasts some additional abilities that makes him a threat in this three heavy type of game.
Complementary Crew – Calvin Booth, Jacque Vaughn
These two are here to fill the spots. Booth is a block machine down low, and Jacque Vaughn will be driving the lane just so he can pass out to Mr. Automatic on the perimeter.
Cheat Code: THEPRICEISWRONGBITCH
Mark Price becomes a playable character matching up next to Ray Allen making possibly the most potent three point team in the game.

Utah Jazz


Alpha – Tim Duncan
An all around player that can score from inside and also block down low. His only downside is that he doesn’t do highlight real dunks. The plus side to that is highlight real dunks are easier to block, which means Duncan will score more efficiently than other big men.
Complementary Crew – Stephon Marbury, Bonzi Wells
Stephon Marbury is a slash and dash player with some slight ability to step back and hit a three. Bonzi wells is a more well formed offensive and defensive player, but does not have the dribbling skills that Marbury brings.
Cheat Code: PLAYASPLAYER
Anyone who has played NBA Jam knows that Michael Jordan has never appeared in the game. There was an eerily similar character with the name of “Player” that seemed to mirror MJ on the court. Using this cheat code allows you to pair MJ in his prime next to Duncan.

Houston Rockets


Alpha – Chris Webber
Webber is an inside scorer that is a monster on the boards. He has a high strength rating which means less injuries for him. He also has a decent block rating. The best thing about Webber as a player in this game is that NBA Jam does not have time outs.
Complementary Crew – Tim Hardaway, Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Hardaway, although past his prime, is still a solid point guard. Losing a step through the years and not being the offensive threat he once was makes him less of an ideal NBA Jam player. Big Z is a big block, big dunk type of player, but who will carry the ball up the floor?
Cheat Code: SHAQFU
Shaq appears on the defensive end of the court only able to do moves from his famous video game. These moves create steals for your team and causes injuries to the other team.

Minnesota Timberwolves


Alpha – Howard Eisley
As the surprise pick here, Eisley has just enough with good three point shooting, good dribbling, and decent steals to make the alpha list.
Complementary Crew – Raja Bell, Terry Mills
Terry Mills is an all time great stretch 4 in this league. His ability to step out an drain a three has been a problem in SLOE much less in NBA Jam. We decided to build this team on three point shooting so we chose Raja Bell to round out our three point heavy shooting squad.
Cheat Code:IROBOT
Robert "Robot" Pack becomes a playable character in his special outfit as depicted above.

Denver Nuggets


Alpha – Raef LaFrentz
Looking at Glenn Robinson’s abilities doesn’t really compare to the game much. Having a stretch four like Raef allows for much more offensive production in NBA Jam. Either way, this was difficult to find someone to be considered “alpha.”
Complementary Crew – Radoslav Nesterovich, Darick Martin
Nesterovich is purely there to block and Martin is purely there to dribble. This is the first team that you face when you work your way through the season.
Cheat Code: TOONSQUAD
Bill Murray is a playable character, because even he would make this team better.

Omfg....the Dallas Mavericks....I'm going to die. ...LOL lol lol lol lol lol

Los Angeles Lakers


Alpha – Kevin Garnett
A strong inside prescence that can finish alley oops from one of the best in the business. He will be the leading scorer on his team more often than not.
Complementary Crew – Jason Kidd, Larry Hughes
Jason Kidd is a top player. He is a distributor and a shooter. Plus his defense and rebounding makes him a triple double threat every game. Hughes is a scorer that would complement either of these players.
Cheat Code: BALLSOHARD
The former GM Balls is brought into the room to whisper sweet nothings into your ear about game planning and roster choices.

Seattle Supersonics


Alpha – Shawn Kemp
Shawn Kemp has power and defense and flying ability. He throws down monstrous jams on the real court, so we can only imagine what he is able to do in NBA Jam.
Complementary Crew – Robert Pack, Donyell Marshall
This says a lot that Mourning didn’t make this team, but these two players bring some video game talent that Mourning didn’t. Robert Pack is still a good facilitator that can play on both ends of the court. Donyell Marshall brings an all around defensive player as well as the best three point shooter on the team.
Cheat Code: THUNDERROLLS
An alternate uniform appears showing a flash of white, blue, and orange. Kemp has an increase in blocking. Pack has an increase in dribbling and quickness. Marshall has an increase in 3pt shot.

Sacramento Kings


Alpha – Tracy McGrady
Much like his cousin Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady is primed for this experience. He has incredible leaping ability and the presence to finish at the rim.
Complementary Crew – Antonio Daniels, Samaki Walker
Antonio Daniels is a pure point guard with some offensive ability. Samaki Walker is a rebounding/blocking machine that will sure up the low post on defense.
Cheat Code: SUPPERISSPINACH?
Popeye Jones becomes a playable character to pair next to T-Mac. He brings an inside prescence as well as a power rebounder that pushes people out of the way.

Portland Trailblazers


Alpha – Shaquille O’Neal
The all mighty big man himself. 100 inside. 100 block. 100 both rebounds. 100 post defense. 100 stength. This is the epitome of a big man for NBA Jam. Consider Shaq the most dominant force in this game.
Complementary Crew – Dirk Nowitzki, Gary Payton
Combine Shaq with a top stretch 4 that can knock down threes and a top point guard from the past decade. What is this team missing, honestly?
Cheat Code: RIPCITY
The team gets a little chippiness to them. Pushes are a lot more successful. Each knock down causes 2 injuries to the other team. Shots taken inside of the three point line by the other team are 50% less successful.

Golden State Warriors


Alpha – Jalen Rose
The former Wolverine brings size to the point guard spot. Able to match body style with even the biggest of point guards, he can dribble, pass and shoot his way to the player of the game.
Complementary Crew – Jim Jackson, Chris Anderson
Jim Jackson brings the pure outside shooting that opens up the court in the NBA Jam world. Hitting threes is a big part of this game. Chris Anderson brings the low post presence on defense to make sure that nobody gets an easy dunk.
Cheat Code: KEMPKONVERSION
Chris Anderson’s skin suddenly darkens and he has all the abilities of Kemp from the mid 90s with the Warriors. He grows in all statistical categories for big men.

Los Angeles Clippers


Alpha – Nick Van Exel
Slick Nicky still has his speed and dribbling ability. If he were paired with a big time low post scorer, he might would be a top 5 point guard. He has a great outside shot that will make him a viable alpha in the NBA Jam world.
Complementary Crew – Ricky Davis, Bo Outlaw
Ricky Davis is on this team for pure scoring prowess. He takes a lot of shots and scores a lot of points. Bo Outlaw is the big defender. His role is to clean the glass and swat balls. Combine his blocking ability with his steal rating and he is a really good player.
Cheat Code: OVERTHECLIFF
Cliff Robinson becomes a playable character. The stretch 4 pairs great next to Van Exel as both can hit threes consistently, and each has a strong aspect of their defensive game.

Phoenix Suns


Alpha – Joe Johnson
Johnson combines his three point shooting ability with a quickness not normally seen for someone his size. He will be able to get by people to get to the rim or step back and knock down a three pointer.
Complementary Crew – Kelvin Cato, Damon Staudamire
Damon is going to be the court general. While the other team is putting pressure on the ball, we want Damon to have it in his hands. Cato, like so many other Pacific bigs, is our rim protector. He doesn’t bring much offensively so we use him to simply block shots.
Cheat Code: TRAININGCAMPGURU
Each year that you play with this team, the abilities of these players increase by 5 in each statistical category.

Well thats it for me. Sound off on what you think, and let me know what squad you would take.

I personally would go with Portland pairing Payton/O'Neal.

I loved it. The Blazers and Sonics are good teams, as well as the Hawks obviously.

The cheat codes were my favorite part. Great job!

We can use Joe Smith instead of Campbell I think

Very entertaining article, brought me back to when I played this game with my friends. Liked the creativity if the cheatcodes too

Sent via Morse code

AWARDED 5 PTS! THANKS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION!

This was freaking awesome

Bump