It's Only Been One Sim, But...
Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2015 12:08 am
Ahhhhhh.... Finally, the first sim is done. The time where reality comes crashing in, to crush the off-season lies that we've been telling ourselves. No longer can we hide behind the "Psshh sure he dropped 50+ points in TC but he'll be fine." Or the "I know, I should trade this guy and start over, but I think we can really make some noise this year." And of course, the ever classic, "OMG WHY THE WIG DID I GIVE THIS GUY A (Insert absurd amount of years for an old guy) MAX DEAL?!?!?!"
Here, we're gonna take that first sim and come up with some entirely rational (read silly) overreactions to the beginning of the season. Enjoy:
The Seattle Super-maxes: After a 50+ win turnaround that ended in disappointment and a re-shuffling of some talent, the new Big Three of Marshall, Zo, & Kemp is a monstrous trio, averaging higher points then some of the bottom feeders in the league like the Timberpups or the Pacers (This is entirely true, no need to fact check)
The Toronto Robinsonasaruses: I don't entirely know who Eddie Robinson is, or why he's starting at SF for my Canadian brethren, but clearly he was the missing piece. This new fan favorite and his defense at the SF spot... wait he doesn't play defense? Well then clearly his scoring... Not that either huh? Whatever, I'm thoroughly convinced from the Toronto Thirdplacers (
)is due to him and not the Gugs machine they got starting next to Brand.
The Los Angeles Inners: GOOD NEWS LAKERS FANS!!! Through his first 8 games, former Suns "rival" GM Inner_GI, is nearly as good as He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned. Now it's time to step off the ledge that I know you were thinking about leaping off of and settle down. I'm sure Inner can lead this team right back where it belongs and the success will keep on coming... right?
The Golden State OuchOuchMyFoots:
The Chicago 8ers: Sure, the "rules" say you need to field a "team", but really only 5 people play at a time, 8 players is plenty. The offseason hire of hard nosed conditioning coach Tom Thibodeau makes a lot more sense as newly inked center, Brad Miller, is playing nearly 42 minutes a game. I jest, but whether through actual coaching or sheer "being on the courtness," all 5 starters are averaging double figures leading to a top 5 PPG mark. Sure they're defense looks like it's suffering, but who cares about that side of the ball really?
The San Antonio PlzNotAMirages: Every year, without question there is one team that looks great in the Midwest, and their GM may or may not lead the league in Pre-season GMOY votes. Reef looks like every GMs wet dream right now and is an entirely premature MVP candidate, but if this 27 and nearly 10 number holds, expect him to be in the convo. Maybe this is the year the Spurs get to win the Midwest? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Los Angeles LiftErryDay-ers: I'll admit it, one of my favorite things to look at when evaluating players is Strength. And holy Frye does LA have it. The Worlds Strongest Frontcourt is here to do just too things: Drink creatine, pump iron, and carry the Clips on their backs. Sure, we could talk about NVE bringing excellence at the PG spot. Or Ricky Davis's leap, or Baker's career high numbers in scoring. All factors that lead to them being in the conversation of the Dogfight that is the Pacific division. But I'd much rather just talk about how Vin & Bo spent the off-season lifting heavy shit in Venice Beach
Taking a break for now as this is devolving further from what I originally wanted the later it gets. May pick this up again, but if not hey, at least you got some weird anecdotes and ramblings about the top 8 teams
Here, we're gonna take that first sim and come up with some entirely rational (read silly) overreactions to the beginning of the season. Enjoy:
The "They are who we thought they weres"
A little bit less true overreaction here, as basically we're getting what we thought we'd get from these teams
The Cap-lanta Hawks: Look, sometimes we overspend on something, and it doesn't really live up to the hype. Basically the exact opposite of what is happening to the Hawks. Their cap bill is going higher, but with the core still intact, it's the same Ol Hawks coming to take your 'ships.The Seattle Super-maxes: After a 50+ win turnaround that ended in disappointment and a re-shuffling of some talent, the new Big Three of Marshall, Zo, & Kemp is a monstrous trio, averaging higher points then some of the bottom feeders in the league like the Timberpups or the Pacers (This is entirely true, no need to fact check)
The Toronto Robinsonasaruses: I don't entirely know who Eddie Robinson is, or why he's starting at SF for my Canadian brethren, but clearly he was the missing piece. This new fan favorite and his defense at the SF spot... wait he doesn't play defense? Well then clearly his scoring... Not that either huh? Whatever, I'm thoroughly convinced from the Toronto Thirdplacers (
)is due to him and not the Gugs machine they got starting next to Brand.The Los Angeles Inners: GOOD NEWS LAKERS FANS!!! Through his first 8 games, former Suns "rival" GM Inner_GI, is nearly as good as He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned. Now it's time to step off the ledge that I know you were thinking about leaping off of and settle down. I'm sure Inner can lead this team right back where it belongs and the success will keep on coming... right?
The Golden State OuchOuchMyFoots:
╔═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a strong beautiful team ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no Kemp or feet to win~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a strong beautiful team ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no Kemp or feet to win~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚═════════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ════════════════╝
The "Huh, thats kinda weirds"
The Chicago 8ers: Sure, the "rules" say you need to field a "team", but really only 5 people play at a time, 8 players is plenty. The offseason hire of hard nosed conditioning coach Tom Thibodeau makes a lot more sense as newly inked center, Brad Miller, is playing nearly 42 minutes a game. I jest, but whether through actual coaching or sheer "being on the courtness," all 5 starters are averaging double figures leading to a top 5 PPG mark. Sure they're defense looks like it's suffering, but who cares about that side of the ball really?
The San Antonio PlzNotAMirages: Every year, without question there is one team that looks great in the Midwest, and their GM may or may not lead the league in Pre-season GMOY votes. Reef looks like every GMs wet dream right now and is an entirely premature MVP candidate, but if this 27 and nearly 10 number holds, expect him to be in the convo. Maybe this is the year the Spurs get to win the Midwest? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Los Angeles LiftErryDay-ers: I'll admit it, one of my favorite things to look at when evaluating players is Strength. And holy Frye does LA have it. The Worlds Strongest Frontcourt is here to do just too things: Drink creatine, pump iron, and carry the Clips on their backs. Sure, we could talk about NVE bringing excellence at the PG spot. Or Ricky Davis's leap, or Baker's career high numbers in scoring. All factors that lead to them being in the conversation of the Dogfight that is the Pacific division. But I'd much rather just talk about how Vin & Bo spent the off-season lifting heavy shit in Venice Beach
Taking a break for now as this is devolving further from what I originally wanted the later it gets. May pick this up again, but if not hey, at least you got some weird anecdotes and ramblings about the top 8 teams
