#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Questions #4
Who's your Dennis Rodman? Who on your team is the most like Dennis Rodman? What makes him like Dennis Rodman? Is it on-the-court stuff or off-the-court stuff? Is he like Bad Boys Pistons Dennis Rodman or like Bulls Crazy Rodman?

All my starters are too offensively inclined to be Rodman, so I'd have to give it to Bam Adebayo. I'm not going to give my players too much in terms of backstory because there's no point in getting too attached to what essentially is just data, but Adebayo is the guy who can do dirty work on defense and on the boards. He's a pass-first big, and he'll only put a shot up if it's a sure thing.

I'll give a close second to Khalifa Diop, who goes a little harder on the boards, and is a foul machine. But Khalifa is also primarily a volume scorer off the bench, so that doesn't fit Rodman's profile.

Hassan Hodges

He's not a big man like Rodman, but he's super athletic, defensive-focused, who is only going to score by just getting easy ones. These days, freshly green, he's only asked to do some of the leftover dirty work for me at the PG position but could be a solid starter in a pinch if absolutely needed.

Not sure if he is prone to wearing any dresses though, but it's quite possible.

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Russel Coffelt

Post-TC pickup who plays like a gym rat and is always hustling until he hears the whistle. Coffelt was largely forgotten by the league, but he is making the most out of his new starting gig this season. He leads all rookies in assists and is making a serious run at cracking the All-Rookie team at the tender age of 28. Good job Russel.

Yessir and thank you I will take another opportunity to talk about my Fabian The Babian Hub.

Recorded at 9.9 rebounds this season (even though it's 2.8 ORB and 7.2 DRB on his player page, WHO'S REALLY COUNTING), he's leading my team on the boards. That's the most Rodman shit ever. And you know what else? He does it in super short shorts, with pink leopard hair. And he banged Carmen Electra IV once. Fabian is basically my husband AND Dennis Rodman.

In all seriousness, though, he's more of a Pistons bad boy Rodman because he showed up to all the playoff games. There's a time and place for Vegas, and it was after helping his team get its first ring. But he was probably drunk and / or high for half the games, I'll never know for sure.

I’m going to go with Zaire Wade. It is less with the on court but more of the off court related stuff.

1. Zaire Wade has notoriously been known for his dating of celebrities. He once was married to pop singer Kim Petra’s for 42.4 hours. He then only divorced her to be engaged to the bing AI bot for years. When he was later asked why he never broke it off, it was because he was “waiting for Bing to break it off.” However the problem is that AI machine would not break it off because it was not in it’s rules to hurt Wade’s feelings.

2. Wade was a long time quasi politician. When he was not courting family members of the Duggers or believers of Xenu for political favors , he was hanging out with the dictator of Andorra. He even traveled there in the offseason, while playing for the bulls, to film a documentary called “Wearing a Fedora in Andorra” hoping to stop the neighboring Catalonians from invading the country.


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Jonathan Kaminga is my angry Dennis Rodman. He is on his way to a rebounding title in two years. Sometimes his rebounds come at the detriment of the rest of his game. He is an enforcer on the court; he has already been in two fist-fights in the same game with Kel'el Ware and Victor Wembanyama featured on ESPN.

But what really makes him a Dennis Rodman is off the court crazy. He goes missing for days at a time. Kuric got a call from a hotel in North Korea saying they had an outstanding bill for Kaminga. Kuric went up to North Korea and found him passed out a 2 pm in a hotel where clearly he'd been having a good time.

Last week he was on WWE and he choke slammed Dominik Mysterio threw the Ring!!! Like Dominik was under the ring when it was over! The crowd went wild. Hes a fan favorite across multiple sports.

Kaminga does whatever he wants, and what he wants to do is throw them bows. Kaminga hasn't talked to Scoot since he arrived; he does not show deference to anyone on the team. He knows he's going to be good in the future. He doesn't listen to anyone, especially his coaches. If you come to practice, you will see a 7 foot 4-inch 300lb giant throwing the ball off the backboard, grabbing the rebound, dunking the ball with such force it makes the rim shake, and then screaming, "f*** those old dudes," while making eye contact with the coaching staff. The coaching staff has given up on training him; they just let him do his thing. Everyone is afraid of him, the coaches, Scoot, Weeks, Kuric, Martin but especially the other teams. Nobody wants that Dennis Rodman/Charles Oakley smoke that "The Kaminga" brings everywhere he goes.

Tony Parris is definitely my Dennis Rodman. Dude is out there in limited minutes blocking shots getting rebounds just being a force in a 6th man role. His scoring I would like to think is mainly around the rim off misses or lobs. He's just a baller like Dennis rodman. If he can keep at this pace there's a chance he could win defensive player of the year. He's probably the only nasty player we have. That's definitely something that's missing. Just a goon out there knocking heads off. Too much scoring from opponents. Go lay someone on their ass.

+1 garbageman
+1 MexicanMamba
+1 K-100
+1 greepleairport
+1 AngryBanana
+1 LazyTitanSmash
+1 Black Superman