For Better or For Worse
Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2023 1:55 am
For Better or For Worse: A Garbageman Production
It’s a new season in PBSL, and one of the simplest constants of sim league is that compared to last year, some teams get better and some teams get worse. That’s just how it goes, and it’s not brain science or rocket surgery or anything like that.
Another constant is that people love articles that break things down team by team. They’re thorough looking, and it’s really easy to just control+F for your team name, read the little blurb, pat yourself on the back or get angry depending on what’s written, and go back to whatever the hell else you were doing instead of reading about 25 other teams that you don’t necessarily give a rat’s ass about. I write 3,000 words and get 10 points. You read about 200 of them and save a bunch of time. Everybody goes home happy.
So, in the interest of not accidentally droning on for twice as long as I have to about fake basketball, here—in trademark random order—is an article about which teams got better, which teams got worse, and how that happened.
Cleveland Cavaliers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 34-48
After a solitary three year stint in the playoffs to end the roarin’ 2040’s, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been back to normal form, much to the chagrin of Cleveland fans. They’ve missed the playoffs the last four seasons, but last year was a step in the right direction. Raphael Gordon took the reins for the Cavs, and this season, it looks like he’ll have some help. While the Cavaliers did not bring back sizeable center Brian Loos, they made a splash signing Chief Kickingstallionsims, who looks like he’s back in top form after training camp. Whether that was a calculated move or just a happy accident fueled by Cleveland only really following three other teams in the league, it’ll certainly help rack up a few more wins. The signing of Tony Tindall also was a nice addition to a team that isn’t quite committed to competing now with more future stars than win-now players. They jumped in the lotto to draft Primo Spears, but the ebbs and flows of the game nerfed Baba Miller in TC.
The Cavs should be slightly better this year on paper, but whether or not its good enough to make it into the playoffs with other teams bulking up remains to be seen.
VERDICT: Better
Atlanta Hawks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 50-32
The Hawks were in contention for the division title throughout last season and impressed a fan base that had to endure LoCo89’s tax-burdened, impotent reign. The big story out of ATL this offseason, however, was Justin Amos’ value signing and subsequent leap in Training Camp, joining the purple potential elites. He’s going to be a force this season and for years to come, and once Phil Smith peaks, that’s going to be a tremendous one-two punch. However, the Hawks didn’t do much else beyond that. Their roster looks the same save for some role player losses and gains (Jeff Holt out, Alan Evers in?). Their far-future players like Sanford Benfield and Daniel Johnson progressed well, but not well enough to be major contributors yet. Kalin Lucas and Ibrahima Diallo made minor gains, and Phil Smith’s TC was a wash.
At current rate, I think their team has slightly less balance than last season, and despite Amos’ breakout offseason, I think the Hawks slide ever so slightly.
VERDICT: Worse
Golden State Warriors
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 62-20
It’s hard to do any better than winning a championship, but the Dubs are looking to repeat, bringing back guys like Arthur Scruggs, Jean Coss, Albert Myers, Andreas Gilliam, and the freshly supermaxed Alphonse Morelock. Morelock dipped over the purple potential edge, likely due to a slight stamina boost that pushed him over. Other than that, the big moves have been using their championship status to add more vet min depth, losing Dong Bone, and trading the better Larry Canfield for the younger Jalen Warley. Despite additions like Charles Bojorquez and Jeffrey Holt, the Warriors are a deeper team, but they’re in a deeper conference. I imagine they’ll be successful, even a serious contender, but it’ll be a tossup as to whether or not the Dubs will outdo their team from last season. I’m going to say that the Warriors see a slightly improved record, but if it says VERDICT: Worse below, it’s because I’ve gone ahead and edited my response based on the number of teams that I write about later that I think will get better.
VERDICT: Better
Los Angeles Lakers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 72-10
Despite having one of the most solidly built teams top to bottom, the Lakers still have not become the dynasty many of us thought they would, and that only seems to drive Mamba to make his team stronger. Bam Adebayo and Lyle Galloway are out, but the Lakers were able to get a lot of solid contributors on discount: James Hernandez, Brian Humbert, Hassan Hodges. In fact, they were able to get so many role-players for mins, that plenty of them have been tossed back into the free agency pool (see Raiquan Gray, Al Jones, Khalifa Diop). Safi finally didn’t really even sniff the best TC, which means he’s hitting his ceiling in a lot of areas, but he’s going to be a much more dangerous facilitator. Pearson just started to hit a downswing, losing some athleticism (but brushing up on some skill). The Lakers start out with the top position in the power poll and great cohesion. They’re going to be hot right out of the gate.
72 wins is a lot to beat, and the Suns HAVE gotten better (SPOILER ALERT), but the Suns handed them some of their losses last season. Furthermore, Antonio Blakeney stays in the same conference. Like the GSW, I can see myself flipping the result. But for now I’ll say they’re better, against all odds.
VERDICT: Better
Boston Celtics
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 48-34
With an Antonio-swap, the big news here is that the Blakeney era in Boston is over. They’re looking towards the future with Antonio Gates. So it’s pretty obvious by that one change alone that Boston is going to be worse than last year. They also gave up on Chief Kickingstallionsims but came up with Brian Loos in a strange free agent non-trade pair of signings. Gates and Bridges both had stellar training camps, but that’s not going to do it. Chris Jackson was a solid pickup, and Saul King turned out to be a solid multi-year pickup after he bumped back up to what he lost on the Raptors. Other than that, they picked up a ton of role-players, but they had plenty of role-players last season, too.
The Celtics might be battling for a playoff berth this season, but on a post-AB team, I don’t see them coming close to any of their records while they had Blakeney.
VERDICT: Worse
Houston Rockets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 22-60
The Houston Rockets are out of 2 of 3 of the terrible contracts the team took on when going recommended for UFA. It’s only Jalen Suggs, now, and then the board is cleared. While they’re not paying Fang Shuo $83 million, they didn’t really replace him with anyone helpful. They retain Cam Whitmore in RFA, but he’s not really a difference maker, and Jalen Suggs is still an adequate player on an oversized contract, but really, this team is all about Sion James development, and with fewer role-players around him than last season, I don’t think they have the firepower to outdo themselves by too much. Of course, maybe the Rockets start picking up vet mins mid-season, but assuming they don’t, I think 22-60 is about where the Rockets’ ceiling is at.
VERDICT: Worse
Miami Heat
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 33-49
Given the Heat’s roster, I would’ve expected last year’s record to be better, and without too many changes (and a slightly deeper roster), I’d expect them to surpass the 33-49 mark. However, the biggest change in the Heat’s circumstances is that they’re the latest prisoner in tax jail. With a payroll that’s third highest in the league, they’re looking to add handsomely to that bill, so one of their primary objectives should be getting out of one of their big expiring contracts and taking a step back in the standings. That might, however, be a little hard to do. They don’t have the points or assets to get out of a bad contract, and the teams that are going to want their best players probably don’t have the cap space to take on too much. A three way trade seems to be in order, so the Heat are either going to have to be creative, or hope a hot start is enough to convince them to just stand pat and bite the tax bullet.
Since a good trade is going to be hard to engineer here, I’m going to stick with their roster as is.
VERDICT: Better
Charlotte Bobcats
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 27-55
The Bobcats have been kind of a dumpster fire, and while Dr. K did put together a decent trade or two in the offseason by nabbing Chauncey Banks and Frank Chavez for Jordan Poole, the most surprising moves were all the cuts. Guys like Darrin Alston and Khalifa Drop were solid green-green players, but they were on bad, multi-year contracts, and that leaves the Bobcats with almost $150 million in cut salary over the next two seasons—a little over $90 million of that this season. Hopefully, this is the beginning of house cleaning and smarter bidding for the Bobcats, whose prospects look pretty dismal this season. If they can learn a thing or two about contract structuring, they’ve got a nice start towards a rebuild that they could actually properly pull off. Josiah Blair is a roster piece that could help fetch more for that rebuild, but boy howdy, this season is going to be bad. Hold onto that draft pick at all costs!
VERDICT: Worse
Chicago Bulls
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 37-45
Steps to the Bulls turnaround:
1. Trade young prospects for win now players before they hit RFA? Check.
2. Get in the MLE? Check.
3. Retain competitive players in RFA and UFA? Check
4. Use MLE to fill out roster with solid depth? Check.
For more information, see my presser when it comes out.
VERDICT: Better
San Antonio Spurs
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 18-64
While the San Antonio Spurs weren’t able to attract any really impactful free agents, all of their young players got better…in fact, Percy Miller and Tony Newland, both their rookies from this draft class, had traditional Spurs bumps during training camp. Now the Spurs can embrace the tank and try for another draft pick, but 18 wins isn’t a lot. It’s a low bar to limbo underneath. The young Spurs will get a lot of run, and Carlos probably isn’t aiming for the middle. Ingram looks ready to beast out and go for a scoring crown. That could be enough to do better than more teams than just the Jazz.
VERDICT: Better
Phoenix Suns
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 44-38
We talked about the Blakeney/Gates trade in the Celtics blurb, and here’s the other shoe falling. In addition to adding Antonio Blakeney, Phoenix also resigned everyone they needed to and stole Tony Parris. They’re gunning for their first ring, and they have a good chance. They’ve got salary they can bundle together to make minor upgrades as well, so if they really want that trophy, they can increase spending and talent throughout the season. Blakeney alone would give them a better record, so this one’s an easy prediction. The question is, with Mahmoud, Akins, Johnston and several role-players around them, does this team have what it takes to join the championship ranks?
VERDICT: Better
New Orleans Pelicans
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 29-53
Darth has come back once again to helm a team, this time taking over the Pelicans from one of Mamba’s many cousins or whatever. Still a bit rusty, there weren’t any major UFA moves from the Pelicans…or any offseason moves in general. They do, however, have a whole lot of youth that Chad will undoubtedly cash in when he’s ready to compete, and since patience isn’t one of Chad’s main virtues (and since he came back to a bank he left bone dry), I can see the Pelicans wanting to build up and consolidate some of his many young guys he won’t be able to insure next season. Look for the Pelicans to add to Murphy III and Ho You Fat by cashing in their pieces to teams that don’t start too hot. As an experienced GM who spent some time away from the game, it’s no fun to come back and just sit on your hands. That’s not to say it won’t take some time before the Pelicans are in the championship conversation, but hey, it’s not too early to start.
VERDICT: Better
Utah Jazz
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 5-77
If anyone can do worse than 5-77, Gary can.
VERDICT: Worse
Memphis Grizzlies
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 23-59
After the first half of these evaluations, I’ve got 8 teams marked as better and 5 teams marked as worse, so it’s tempting to either go back and flip some teams (like the Lakers or Dubs), but I’m going to try to avoid doing that. I’m also going to try and avoid ranking the latter half of teams tougher. The Grizzlies, doing another stint in the tax slammer, would be an easy team to mark as worse off, but after picking up the still-able, still-expensive Montoya, I think the Grizzlies might be better than last year. They have a slightly worse Haun, and I still stand by Canfield being better than Warley. They ran Maximo Morales last year at PG and got the record they did, so I don’t see why they can’t outdo their S63 record, but bah god, is their backcourt depleted.
VERDICT: Better
Milwaukee Bucks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 48-34
The twin towers in MKE are only getting stronger, and other than that, the team looks a little more well rounded despite the TC burn to their starting PG Moses Moody (who is not really a point guard). It’s often hard to judge these teams because the Magic proved last year that if your front court is the most dominant in the league, that could be good enough to win a bad division. The Bucks have been consistent, going 48-34 and there is precedent for 3 teams in a division to have at least 50 wins. I think Wemby and Ware are going to give other teams fits.
VERDICT: Better
Toronto Raptors
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 33-49
Alright, since I left off with the Bucks, two things happened. 1. Preseason was run. I’ll try to ignore that since the results are pretty meaningless. 2. I <expletive deleted> up my thumb pretty bad. So if getting tired of writing doesn’t shorten these passages, physical discomfort will.
Anyway, like the Heat, this team looked better on paper than their record shows. The Raptors hit some solid signings in free agency with Ervin Armitage and Talen Horton-Tucker on near mins and Carmelo Williams with remaining MLE money. They made a solid win-now trade to get Jordan Poole to anchor the point guard spot. Unfortunately, the Raptors had terrible luck in TC with Quincy Johnson and EJ Liddell both getting bitchslapped by the angry TC Gods. Still, there’s enough talent on this team top to bottom to do better than 33-49. This looks like a team that should feasibly have a winning record.
VERDICT: Better
Minnesota Timberwolves
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 45-37
They say that true random isn’t even distribution, so here’s another team that’s going to get a better verdict. Looking at the Timberwolves roster, I know they made bids and signed guys or whatever, but they didn’t really lose or gain anyone that would move the needle. All of the Timberwolves offseason progress came from TC. Xue Hoe became the league’s third purple current player. Lenz the German also had a stellar camp. There will be no squeaking into the playoffs this season, expect them to land a solid postseason spot and very feasibly, a division win that hopefully gets Raby’s PBSL motor back running full steam.
VERDICT: Better
Dallas Mavericks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 27-55
I can’t keep saying every team got better, but without jumping into the Finalized Trades board, I know that the Mavs got Kyle Kuric and can’t see anyone I recognize that the Mavs gave up. Their best players were on the Mavs last year, and UFA was just a crop of role-players—some of whom will be forced to play starter minutes. They have 3 solid backcourt pieces in Kuric, TLW, and Clarence Martin, though at this stage, none is an ideal PG. But Scoot Henderson is making gains.
One downtick is how tough their division is, but on the other hand, 27 wins isn’t a high hurdle. I guess I can keep saying every team is getting better. Maybe that’s a good sign for the league as a whole.
VERDICT: Better
Detroit Pistons
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 45-37
Shit. Another one. The Pistons got Schiff for a song (probably a song about slime), and he joins Lomax in his first full season in Detroit for a revamped, powerful backcourt. It’s probably not as good as the Bucks backcourt, but it could be top 2. They resigned Millsap on a max, even though he didn’t get as much attention as he deserved in UFA. Lauri made some nice leaps in TC, solidifying his spot in the starting lineup. TC didn’t see anyone really get hurt too bad. While the Pistons might not be the deepest team, they have a solid enough starting 5 and a GM who knows how to get deals done. I think it’s strong enough to win the division,
At this point, I’ve got to either go back and change my ratings on some teams or just mark all the remaining teams as worse. I’m at 14 betters and 5 worses right now. But this is at least a 50 win team.
VERDICT: Better
Indiana Pacers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 55-27
Alright, we might finally be getting off the better train. The Pacers have always been a team that overachieves, and I think Pauly’s still got that in him. He Hor is still solid as a slow-ass point guard. Jericho Sims is still a quality big man, and they still have Herbert Jones, who is crescendoing towards his potential. They also picked up some solid depth pieces—Immanuel Quickley and Les Kim, reigning DPOY. That should make the Pacers a strong defensive team, however they would’ve been stronger if they had retained Tony Parris, but lost him to a shorter contract.
While they’ll do better than they look on paper, Father Time hit them pretty hard. Kim has 0 QKN, so he’s basically immobile, but park him in the paint and let him get blocks. Even with Herbert Jones, the Pacers aren’t hitting 55 wins.
VERDICT: Worse
Orlando Magic
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 53-29
After coaching his team to the division lead in his comeback season, Nick took this offseason to ship out everyone that made the Magic good in order to build his own team down in Orlando. Dirks, Schiff, and Kuric netted them Okay Djamgouz, Walker Kessler, Jeff Van Gundy, some promising picks, and a satchel load of points. The only familiar faces on the roster are Peyton Siva and Willis Wilkins. Even Ebbe Clauer got cut with guaranteed money on the table and paid the Magic back for that gesture by bumping in training camp.
The Magic are trying to salvage some wins with the trade for James Northrup and the return of Max Malone locking in around Ousmane Dieng, but that’s not going to be enough to even sniff the success they had with one of the most formidable front courts in recent memory.
VERDICT: Worse
Portland Trailblazers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 36-46
The Trailblazers went all in last season to results so dismal that their GM quit. Given that they’re robo-gm’d, you’d expect that they do worse, but I think this is going to be a true experiment in game planning. GroveStreet ran his starters into the ground. Maybe recommended will serve the Blazers better…maybe even enough to lure their GM back? Hell, it probably will, but it’s not even a real GM, so this Worse Train ain’t making any stops. CHOO CHOO!
VERDICT: Worse
Brooklyn Nets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 63-19
The Nets shot their shot and made it to the finals, and this season’s going to be a significant step back. They had to borrow a point from the Spurs to pay their bill and had to play a wildcard to get out of that egregious Alex Caruso contract. They were able to retain Menendez and Harper Jr, but the sim gods smote them for their bad karma. Bey got hammered, leading the worst combined TC in the league. With players waning out of their prime, the Nets aren’t going to win 60 again.
VERDICT: Worse
Washington Wizards
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 46-36
Most of the players on the Washington Wizards weren’t alive the last time the Wizards missed the playoffs including their only blue current player, Greg Hamilton, who was born about a month after the Wizards didn’t make it in 2025. He’s 28 now. That’s an impressive streak, and xist has put together probably the most impressive playoff streak this game’s ever going to see. Frank Daily and Daishen Nix went green, Remy Martin didn’t go blue, and 80 PAS doesn’t make Geronimo Rubio De La Rosa an effective point guard.
J2 has gotten a lot out of teams that don’t look great, and he’s gonna try to make the most out of this roster, but this might be the year the streak ends.
VERDICT: Worse
Sacramento Kings
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 50-32
The Kings are one of the most siloed teams in the league, and having walked into a team with Killian Hayes just about to enter his prime was a great welcoming gift. After 17 years, Killian Hayes hangs up his boots, having only ever played for one team. The Hayes era is officially over and Killian has been immortalized in the PBSL Hall of Fame within the Fastbreak Basketball Pro software. Aside from Hayes, only a couple of important things happened to the Kings relative to what their record will be compared to S63. First, but chronologically second, they were unable to retain Immanuel Quickly. Second, they supermaxed Gary Rockwell in RFA. He relayed them with one of the league’s worst TC’s for a player with such high expectations thrust upon him. I suspect despite that, Rockwell might be a career King.
VERDICT: Worse
Denver Nuggets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 61-21
And we’re at the last team…the Nuggets. Right now, the count is 14 better and 11 worse, and we’re going to add one to the worse column here to make it pretty much even. Not bad.
This one was out of necessity. The Nuggets took a big swing and it got them close, but no Macanudo. It was the responsible move to ship out Jarrett for Amen Thompson, pay the Grizzlies to absorb Genaro Montoya’s contract, and get under the tax. They still have Johnny Davis and DeJuan Baker, and they’re in reset mode, which allows them—if they choose—to gear up for another run with Davis and Baker in prime form in a couple years. The signing of Gregory Jackson for a flat 20 million for 4 years is a solid contract, especially after TC knocked up a handful of his potentials. Coupled with Amen Thompson’s dethroning of Safi for most points gained during TC (how is he still yellow current?), the Nuggets won’t get 61 wins this season, but they’re on the right path.
VERDICT: Worse
It’s a new season in PBSL, and one of the simplest constants of sim league is that compared to last year, some teams get better and some teams get worse. That’s just how it goes, and it’s not brain science or rocket surgery or anything like that.
Another constant is that people love articles that break things down team by team. They’re thorough looking, and it’s really easy to just control+F for your team name, read the little blurb, pat yourself on the back or get angry depending on what’s written, and go back to whatever the hell else you were doing instead of reading about 25 other teams that you don’t necessarily give a rat’s ass about. I write 3,000 words and get 10 points. You read about 200 of them and save a bunch of time. Everybody goes home happy.
So, in the interest of not accidentally droning on for twice as long as I have to about fake basketball, here—in trademark random order—is an article about which teams got better, which teams got worse, and how that happened.
Cleveland Cavaliers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 34-48
After a solitary three year stint in the playoffs to end the roarin’ 2040’s, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been back to normal form, much to the chagrin of Cleveland fans. They’ve missed the playoffs the last four seasons, but last year was a step in the right direction. Raphael Gordon took the reins for the Cavs, and this season, it looks like he’ll have some help. While the Cavaliers did not bring back sizeable center Brian Loos, they made a splash signing Chief Kickingstallionsims, who looks like he’s back in top form after training camp. Whether that was a calculated move or just a happy accident fueled by Cleveland only really following three other teams in the league, it’ll certainly help rack up a few more wins. The signing of Tony Tindall also was a nice addition to a team that isn’t quite committed to competing now with more future stars than win-now players. They jumped in the lotto to draft Primo Spears, but the ebbs and flows of the game nerfed Baba Miller in TC.
The Cavs should be slightly better this year on paper, but whether or not its good enough to make it into the playoffs with other teams bulking up remains to be seen.
VERDICT: Better
Atlanta Hawks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 50-32
The Hawks were in contention for the division title throughout last season and impressed a fan base that had to endure LoCo89’s tax-burdened, impotent reign. The big story out of ATL this offseason, however, was Justin Amos’ value signing and subsequent leap in Training Camp, joining the purple potential elites. He’s going to be a force this season and for years to come, and once Phil Smith peaks, that’s going to be a tremendous one-two punch. However, the Hawks didn’t do much else beyond that. Their roster looks the same save for some role player losses and gains (Jeff Holt out, Alan Evers in?). Their far-future players like Sanford Benfield and Daniel Johnson progressed well, but not well enough to be major contributors yet. Kalin Lucas and Ibrahima Diallo made minor gains, and Phil Smith’s TC was a wash.
At current rate, I think their team has slightly less balance than last season, and despite Amos’ breakout offseason, I think the Hawks slide ever so slightly.
VERDICT: Worse
Golden State Warriors
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 62-20
It’s hard to do any better than winning a championship, but the Dubs are looking to repeat, bringing back guys like Arthur Scruggs, Jean Coss, Albert Myers, Andreas Gilliam, and the freshly supermaxed Alphonse Morelock. Morelock dipped over the purple potential edge, likely due to a slight stamina boost that pushed him over. Other than that, the big moves have been using their championship status to add more vet min depth, losing Dong Bone, and trading the better Larry Canfield for the younger Jalen Warley. Despite additions like Charles Bojorquez and Jeffrey Holt, the Warriors are a deeper team, but they’re in a deeper conference. I imagine they’ll be successful, even a serious contender, but it’ll be a tossup as to whether or not the Dubs will outdo their team from last season. I’m going to say that the Warriors see a slightly improved record, but if it says VERDICT: Worse below, it’s because I’ve gone ahead and edited my response based on the number of teams that I write about later that I think will get better.
VERDICT: Better
Los Angeles Lakers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 72-10
Despite having one of the most solidly built teams top to bottom, the Lakers still have not become the dynasty many of us thought they would, and that only seems to drive Mamba to make his team stronger. Bam Adebayo and Lyle Galloway are out, but the Lakers were able to get a lot of solid contributors on discount: James Hernandez, Brian Humbert, Hassan Hodges. In fact, they were able to get so many role-players for mins, that plenty of them have been tossed back into the free agency pool (see Raiquan Gray, Al Jones, Khalifa Diop). Safi finally didn’t really even sniff the best TC, which means he’s hitting his ceiling in a lot of areas, but he’s going to be a much more dangerous facilitator. Pearson just started to hit a downswing, losing some athleticism (but brushing up on some skill). The Lakers start out with the top position in the power poll and great cohesion. They’re going to be hot right out of the gate.
72 wins is a lot to beat, and the Suns HAVE gotten better (SPOILER ALERT), but the Suns handed them some of their losses last season. Furthermore, Antonio Blakeney stays in the same conference. Like the GSW, I can see myself flipping the result. But for now I’ll say they’re better, against all odds.
VERDICT: Better
Boston Celtics
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 48-34
With an Antonio-swap, the big news here is that the Blakeney era in Boston is over. They’re looking towards the future with Antonio Gates. So it’s pretty obvious by that one change alone that Boston is going to be worse than last year. They also gave up on Chief Kickingstallionsims but came up with Brian Loos in a strange free agent non-trade pair of signings. Gates and Bridges both had stellar training camps, but that’s not going to do it. Chris Jackson was a solid pickup, and Saul King turned out to be a solid multi-year pickup after he bumped back up to what he lost on the Raptors. Other than that, they picked up a ton of role-players, but they had plenty of role-players last season, too.
The Celtics might be battling for a playoff berth this season, but on a post-AB team, I don’t see them coming close to any of their records while they had Blakeney.
VERDICT: Worse
Houston Rockets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 22-60
The Houston Rockets are out of 2 of 3 of the terrible contracts the team took on when going recommended for UFA. It’s only Jalen Suggs, now, and then the board is cleared. While they’re not paying Fang Shuo $83 million, they didn’t really replace him with anyone helpful. They retain Cam Whitmore in RFA, but he’s not really a difference maker, and Jalen Suggs is still an adequate player on an oversized contract, but really, this team is all about Sion James development, and with fewer role-players around him than last season, I don’t think they have the firepower to outdo themselves by too much. Of course, maybe the Rockets start picking up vet mins mid-season, but assuming they don’t, I think 22-60 is about where the Rockets’ ceiling is at.
VERDICT: Worse
Miami Heat
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 33-49
Given the Heat’s roster, I would’ve expected last year’s record to be better, and without too many changes (and a slightly deeper roster), I’d expect them to surpass the 33-49 mark. However, the biggest change in the Heat’s circumstances is that they’re the latest prisoner in tax jail. With a payroll that’s third highest in the league, they’re looking to add handsomely to that bill, so one of their primary objectives should be getting out of one of their big expiring contracts and taking a step back in the standings. That might, however, be a little hard to do. They don’t have the points or assets to get out of a bad contract, and the teams that are going to want their best players probably don’t have the cap space to take on too much. A three way trade seems to be in order, so the Heat are either going to have to be creative, or hope a hot start is enough to convince them to just stand pat and bite the tax bullet.
Since a good trade is going to be hard to engineer here, I’m going to stick with their roster as is.
VERDICT: Better
Charlotte Bobcats
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 27-55
The Bobcats have been kind of a dumpster fire, and while Dr. K did put together a decent trade or two in the offseason by nabbing Chauncey Banks and Frank Chavez for Jordan Poole, the most surprising moves were all the cuts. Guys like Darrin Alston and Khalifa Drop were solid green-green players, but they were on bad, multi-year contracts, and that leaves the Bobcats with almost $150 million in cut salary over the next two seasons—a little over $90 million of that this season. Hopefully, this is the beginning of house cleaning and smarter bidding for the Bobcats, whose prospects look pretty dismal this season. If they can learn a thing or two about contract structuring, they’ve got a nice start towards a rebuild that they could actually properly pull off. Josiah Blair is a roster piece that could help fetch more for that rebuild, but boy howdy, this season is going to be bad. Hold onto that draft pick at all costs!
VERDICT: Worse
Chicago Bulls
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 37-45
Steps to the Bulls turnaround:
1. Trade young prospects for win now players before they hit RFA? Check.
2. Get in the MLE? Check.
3. Retain competitive players in RFA and UFA? Check
4. Use MLE to fill out roster with solid depth? Check.
For more information, see my presser when it comes out.
VERDICT: Better
San Antonio Spurs
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 18-64
While the San Antonio Spurs weren’t able to attract any really impactful free agents, all of their young players got better…in fact, Percy Miller and Tony Newland, both their rookies from this draft class, had traditional Spurs bumps during training camp. Now the Spurs can embrace the tank and try for another draft pick, but 18 wins isn’t a lot. It’s a low bar to limbo underneath. The young Spurs will get a lot of run, and Carlos probably isn’t aiming for the middle. Ingram looks ready to beast out and go for a scoring crown. That could be enough to do better than more teams than just the Jazz.
VERDICT: Better
Phoenix Suns
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 44-38
We talked about the Blakeney/Gates trade in the Celtics blurb, and here’s the other shoe falling. In addition to adding Antonio Blakeney, Phoenix also resigned everyone they needed to and stole Tony Parris. They’re gunning for their first ring, and they have a good chance. They’ve got salary they can bundle together to make minor upgrades as well, so if they really want that trophy, they can increase spending and talent throughout the season. Blakeney alone would give them a better record, so this one’s an easy prediction. The question is, with Mahmoud, Akins, Johnston and several role-players around them, does this team have what it takes to join the championship ranks?
VERDICT: Better
New Orleans Pelicans
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 29-53
Darth has come back once again to helm a team, this time taking over the Pelicans from one of Mamba’s many cousins or whatever. Still a bit rusty, there weren’t any major UFA moves from the Pelicans…or any offseason moves in general. They do, however, have a whole lot of youth that Chad will undoubtedly cash in when he’s ready to compete, and since patience isn’t one of Chad’s main virtues (and since he came back to a bank he left bone dry), I can see the Pelicans wanting to build up and consolidate some of his many young guys he won’t be able to insure next season. Look for the Pelicans to add to Murphy III and Ho You Fat by cashing in their pieces to teams that don’t start too hot. As an experienced GM who spent some time away from the game, it’s no fun to come back and just sit on your hands. That’s not to say it won’t take some time before the Pelicans are in the championship conversation, but hey, it’s not too early to start.
VERDICT: Better
Utah Jazz
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 5-77
If anyone can do worse than 5-77, Gary can.
VERDICT: Worse
Memphis Grizzlies
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 23-59
After the first half of these evaluations, I’ve got 8 teams marked as better and 5 teams marked as worse, so it’s tempting to either go back and flip some teams (like the Lakers or Dubs), but I’m going to try to avoid doing that. I’m also going to try and avoid ranking the latter half of teams tougher. The Grizzlies, doing another stint in the tax slammer, would be an easy team to mark as worse off, but after picking up the still-able, still-expensive Montoya, I think the Grizzlies might be better than last year. They have a slightly worse Haun, and I still stand by Canfield being better than Warley. They ran Maximo Morales last year at PG and got the record they did, so I don’t see why they can’t outdo their S63 record, but bah god, is their backcourt depleted.
VERDICT: Better
Milwaukee Bucks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 48-34
The twin towers in MKE are only getting stronger, and other than that, the team looks a little more well rounded despite the TC burn to their starting PG Moses Moody (who is not really a point guard). It’s often hard to judge these teams because the Magic proved last year that if your front court is the most dominant in the league, that could be good enough to win a bad division. The Bucks have been consistent, going 48-34 and there is precedent for 3 teams in a division to have at least 50 wins. I think Wemby and Ware are going to give other teams fits.
VERDICT: Better
Toronto Raptors
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 33-49
Alright, since I left off with the Bucks, two things happened. 1. Preseason was run. I’ll try to ignore that since the results are pretty meaningless. 2. I <expletive deleted> up my thumb pretty bad. So if getting tired of writing doesn’t shorten these passages, physical discomfort will.
Anyway, like the Heat, this team looked better on paper than their record shows. The Raptors hit some solid signings in free agency with Ervin Armitage and Talen Horton-Tucker on near mins and Carmelo Williams with remaining MLE money. They made a solid win-now trade to get Jordan Poole to anchor the point guard spot. Unfortunately, the Raptors had terrible luck in TC with Quincy Johnson and EJ Liddell both getting bitchslapped by the angry TC Gods. Still, there’s enough talent on this team top to bottom to do better than 33-49. This looks like a team that should feasibly have a winning record.
VERDICT: Better
Minnesota Timberwolves
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 45-37
They say that true random isn’t even distribution, so here’s another team that’s going to get a better verdict. Looking at the Timberwolves roster, I know they made bids and signed guys or whatever, but they didn’t really lose or gain anyone that would move the needle. All of the Timberwolves offseason progress came from TC. Xue Hoe became the league’s third purple current player. Lenz the German also had a stellar camp. There will be no squeaking into the playoffs this season, expect them to land a solid postseason spot and very feasibly, a division win that hopefully gets Raby’s PBSL motor back running full steam.
VERDICT: Better
Dallas Mavericks
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 27-55
I can’t keep saying every team got better, but without jumping into the Finalized Trades board, I know that the Mavs got Kyle Kuric and can’t see anyone I recognize that the Mavs gave up. Their best players were on the Mavs last year, and UFA was just a crop of role-players—some of whom will be forced to play starter minutes. They have 3 solid backcourt pieces in Kuric, TLW, and Clarence Martin, though at this stage, none is an ideal PG. But Scoot Henderson is making gains.
One downtick is how tough their division is, but on the other hand, 27 wins isn’t a high hurdle. I guess I can keep saying every team is getting better. Maybe that’s a good sign for the league as a whole.
VERDICT: Better
Detroit Pistons
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 45-37
Shit. Another one. The Pistons got Schiff for a song (probably a song about slime), and he joins Lomax in his first full season in Detroit for a revamped, powerful backcourt. It’s probably not as good as the Bucks backcourt, but it could be top 2. They resigned Millsap on a max, even though he didn’t get as much attention as he deserved in UFA. Lauri made some nice leaps in TC, solidifying his spot in the starting lineup. TC didn’t see anyone really get hurt too bad. While the Pistons might not be the deepest team, they have a solid enough starting 5 and a GM who knows how to get deals done. I think it’s strong enough to win the division,
At this point, I’ve got to either go back and change my ratings on some teams or just mark all the remaining teams as worse. I’m at 14 betters and 5 worses right now. But this is at least a 50 win team.
VERDICT: Better
Indiana Pacers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 55-27
Alright, we might finally be getting off the better train. The Pacers have always been a team that overachieves, and I think Pauly’s still got that in him. He Hor is still solid as a slow-ass point guard. Jericho Sims is still a quality big man, and they still have Herbert Jones, who is crescendoing towards his potential. They also picked up some solid depth pieces—Immanuel Quickley and Les Kim, reigning DPOY. That should make the Pacers a strong defensive team, however they would’ve been stronger if they had retained Tony Parris, but lost him to a shorter contract.
While they’ll do better than they look on paper, Father Time hit them pretty hard. Kim has 0 QKN, so he’s basically immobile, but park him in the paint and let him get blocks. Even with Herbert Jones, the Pacers aren’t hitting 55 wins.
VERDICT: Worse
Orlando Magic
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 53-29
After coaching his team to the division lead in his comeback season, Nick took this offseason to ship out everyone that made the Magic good in order to build his own team down in Orlando. Dirks, Schiff, and Kuric netted them Okay Djamgouz, Walker Kessler, Jeff Van Gundy, some promising picks, and a satchel load of points. The only familiar faces on the roster are Peyton Siva and Willis Wilkins. Even Ebbe Clauer got cut with guaranteed money on the table and paid the Magic back for that gesture by bumping in training camp.
The Magic are trying to salvage some wins with the trade for James Northrup and the return of Max Malone locking in around Ousmane Dieng, but that’s not going to be enough to even sniff the success they had with one of the most formidable front courts in recent memory.
VERDICT: Worse
Portland Trailblazers
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 36-46
The Trailblazers went all in last season to results so dismal that their GM quit. Given that they’re robo-gm’d, you’d expect that they do worse, but I think this is going to be a true experiment in game planning. GroveStreet ran his starters into the ground. Maybe recommended will serve the Blazers better…maybe even enough to lure their GM back? Hell, it probably will, but it’s not even a real GM, so this Worse Train ain’t making any stops. CHOO CHOO!
VERDICT: Worse
Brooklyn Nets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 63-19
The Nets shot their shot and made it to the finals, and this season’s going to be a significant step back. They had to borrow a point from the Spurs to pay their bill and had to play a wildcard to get out of that egregious Alex Caruso contract. They were able to retain Menendez and Harper Jr, but the sim gods smote them for their bad karma. Bey got hammered, leading the worst combined TC in the league. With players waning out of their prime, the Nets aren’t going to win 60 again.
VERDICT: Worse
Washington Wizards
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 46-36
Most of the players on the Washington Wizards weren’t alive the last time the Wizards missed the playoffs including their only blue current player, Greg Hamilton, who was born about a month after the Wizards didn’t make it in 2025. He’s 28 now. That’s an impressive streak, and xist has put together probably the most impressive playoff streak this game’s ever going to see. Frank Daily and Daishen Nix went green, Remy Martin didn’t go blue, and 80 PAS doesn’t make Geronimo Rubio De La Rosa an effective point guard.
J2 has gotten a lot out of teams that don’t look great, and he’s gonna try to make the most out of this roster, but this might be the year the streak ends.
VERDICT: Worse
Sacramento Kings
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 50-32
The Kings are one of the most siloed teams in the league, and having walked into a team with Killian Hayes just about to enter his prime was a great welcoming gift. After 17 years, Killian Hayes hangs up his boots, having only ever played for one team. The Hayes era is officially over and Killian has been immortalized in the PBSL Hall of Fame within the Fastbreak Basketball Pro software. Aside from Hayes, only a couple of important things happened to the Kings relative to what their record will be compared to S63. First, but chronologically second, they were unable to retain Immanuel Quickly. Second, they supermaxed Gary Rockwell in RFA. He relayed them with one of the league’s worst TC’s for a player with such high expectations thrust upon him. I suspect despite that, Rockwell might be a career King.
VERDICT: Worse
Denver Nuggets
LAST YEAR’S RECORD: 61-21
And we’re at the last team…the Nuggets. Right now, the count is 14 better and 11 worse, and we’re going to add one to the worse column here to make it pretty much even. Not bad.
This one was out of necessity. The Nuggets took a big swing and it got them close, but no Macanudo. It was the responsible move to ship out Jarrett for Amen Thompson, pay the Grizzlies to absorb Genaro Montoya’s contract, and get under the tax. They still have Johnny Davis and DeJuan Baker, and they’re in reset mode, which allows them—if they choose—to gear up for another run with Davis and Baker in prime form in a couple years. The signing of Gregory Jackson for a flat 20 million for 4 years is a solid contract, especially after TC knocked up a handful of his potentials. Coupled with Amen Thompson’s dethroning of Safi for most points gained during TC (how is he still yellow current?), the Nuggets won’t get 61 wins this season, but they’re on the right path.
VERDICT: Worse