#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

As digi walked into the press conference being held at the local Wendy's, journalists quickly muted their gossiping in anticipation of his first words. Stepping up to the podium, he took a shot of vodka before speaking.

digiskunk: Hey guys, welcome to our press conference. I'm going to be honest, last season surprised the hell out of me. I haven't experienced this much success in a long time—and ironically enough, it wasn't even my doing: Had it not been for the teams that supplied me with players like Talen Horton-Tucker, Les Kim, and Zaire Wade, we would've never been in this position. But alas, here we are.

Last season, we had the opportunity to see Les Kim dominate the post; we witnessed Talen Horton-Tucker bully his way to the basket; we even saw Zaire make an amazing recovery from an injury to immediately contribute to the team in more ways than one. (See: Excellent teacher)

We were quite limited with our options in the off-season given our financial record, but we were able to lure Don Reyes, Tony Krebs, and even a top prospect in Lyman Bradley. John Blakemore also re-signed with us, which proved to be essential as he's one of the quickest and most handsome players on the team.

Anyway, I don't want to cover too much. I want to give y'all the opportunity to ask questions. So ask away!

Do you see your team this year challenging the Bucks and Pistons for the conference title representing the omega in the finals?

Eazy P wrote: Thu Jul 14, 2022 2:39 pm Do you see your team this year challenging the Bucks and Pistons for the conference title representing the omega in the finals?

We definitely have high hopes, but we're trying to be realistic here. So all I'll say is: Maybe. Just maybe.

It isn't often that a down and out team somehow rises the ranks and makes the playoffs out of nowhere.. Improving a team is usually a gradual process; however I feel that we've actually improved since last season. It's hard to ignore what I'm seeing out of these players; all of them have so much enthusiasm and have been in the gym nonstop, it's wiiiiiild.

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Even though you resigned John Blakemore, Tony Krebs got the preseason starting nod. How do you feel he performed, and is Krebs the answer for you at the PG spot this year or will you be looking to improve that position?

Also of note, your rookie, Ervin Armitage, looks interesting as one of two players in the draft who entered the league with a green current pre-TC. Where do you see him fitting into the rotation this season?

garbageman wrote: Thu Jul 14, 2022 3:12 pm Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Even though you resigned John Blakemore, Tony Krebs got the preseason starting nod. How do you feel he performed, and is Krebs the answer for you at the PG spot this year or will you be looking to improve that position?

Also of note, your rookie, Ervin Armitage, looks interesting as one of two players in the draft who entered the league with a green current pre-TC. Where do you see him fitting into the rotation this season?

This is a great observation, thank you. He definitely exceeded expectations in training camp and had a tremendous offseason; however his defense will prove to be a huge liability. Nevertheless, he should see ample playing time alongside veteran John Blakemore, who is also a urologist.

Random Reporter: Word on the mean streets of SLC is that you hired a special consulting firm during Free Agency to help put together an offer for Lyman Bradley that he "couldn't refuse." Are you able to shed any light on those contract negotiations?

Xist2Inspire wrote: Thu Jul 14, 2022 5:50 pm Random Reporter: Word on the mean streets of SLC is that you hired a special consulting firm during Free Agency to help put together an offer for Lyman Bradley that he "couldn't refuse." Are you able to shed any light on those contract negotiations?

Unfortunately, yes I can. We offered him money along with some "under the table work"—namely helping him refurnish his house with items made out of squirrel skin. You see, Lyman Bradley has always loved squirrels, which is why he prefers to bask in their skin at every opportunity. Not only does he have a bounty of pet squirrels of his own, but he also maintains a steady diet of raccoon eyes and squirrel droppings. This is, essentially, how he keeps in shape.

Can Utahns count on the Jazz to make it rain this season?

Hey digiskunk, has John Blakemore ever called you Jazzy Daddy? What about Ervin Armitage?


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Chet Youbetcha, Dimmadome News: Who do you feel is the best player on the team this season? Is it the freshly re-signed Les Kim or is it the grizzled, comeback kid, Zaire Wade, or maybe it's finally Talen's moment to shine?