#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

As each minute passed by, Jazz GM digiskunk grew increasingly distressed knowing he had a lot to explain to the hundreds of fans of Utah. In an attempt to lighten the mood—and perhaps skew the opinion of reporters—he decided to hold his press conference at the local Burger King, allowing each journalist to enter the drive thru and ask their question as they received a free complimentary burger. It was a solid strategy, but still, the broken promises of yesteryear haunted digi, oftentimes keeping him up at night.


By noon, the Burger King drive-thru was packed with cars, creating a line of cars that reached all the way down the street and around the corner. But it wasn't the time to answer questions—at least just yet—and so digi invited the journalists inside the restaurant to discuss current matters.

digiskunk: Thank you everybody for coming to this press conference. I understand that things have been rough due to COVID19, but it's great to see everybody come together for this massive super-spreader event. Thank you. Now let's begin.

Last season, I had high hopes for our squad. I looked at these men and saw a group of hungry, determined men. Unfortunately, their pride got the best of them and we only ended up winning 10 games—3 games fewer than least season. Not good. Despite the poor record, we had a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time chain-smoking cigarettes and throwing rocks at trains, which really helped lighten the mood in the locker-room.

Now, with last season behind us, let's talk about the measures I've taken to improve our squad heading into next season.


In a stroke of luck, we were able to secure the #01 overall pick, and with that pick we chose to draft DeJuan Baker, a speedy chiropractor out of Illinois. Almost as soon as he entered the clubhouse, the team's development skyrocketed: Angelo Romero, Charles Alleman, Terrance Lewis-Weeks, and Kofi "Crippling" Cockburn all improved. It's almost like he's an angel.

Anyway, to win games it's essential to have good players—and this is why I was extra proactive during unrestricted free agency. On day one, I offered a bunch of contracts to the league's finest free agents. Unfortunately, almost all of them fell through. We even offered Alex Caruso $73,000,000/year (or something like that) and he actually declined it! I couldn't believe it. Just think of how much weed that could buy.

However, we didn't walk away empty-handed: We managed to sign a legitimate PG in Don Reyes; we brought back Brooks Jackson; and we picked up a hot prospect named Harold Schiff. Although these players aren't immediate game-changers, they'll help us win more games—especially now that our youth has developed.

Now, feel free to return to your cars and ask questions for your complimentary double-cheeseburger with small fries and a large Coke.

With a plethora of talented young pieces, have you began to consider when the right time is to flip some of them in trades for game changing, win-now talent? Especially with those 2 young big fellas prime to compete soon?

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MexicanMamba wrote: Fri Mar 18, 2022 3:10 pm With a plethora of talented young pieces, have you began to consider when the right time is to flip some of them in trades for game changing, win-now talent? Especially with those 2 young big fellas prime to compete soon?

I would be lying if I were to say that I haven't suggested that.. I've learned from my past mistakes when it comes to matching RFA offers; it doesn't take much to send a team spiraling into debt (and/or addiction). Now that we have 2 prospects competing for the future role of center, we've been considering making a move. Charles Alleman has been open to the idea, as he has committed quite a few unsolved felonies in the area and would prefer a new location.

Take us through your draft process. Was Baker the clear consensus #1 for you immediately?

PaulyP wrote: Fri Mar 18, 2022 3:47 pm Take us through your draft process. Was Baker the clear consensus #1 for you immediately?

Wonderful question! He stood out to us as an obvious selection due to his age, position, distribution of potentials, and team suitability. The one thing that this team desperately needs is a PG who can score, distribute, and play defense—and that's exactly what DeJuan brings to the table. Moreover, he averaged 16.5 points and 2.1 assists in 24.5 minutes of play last year for Butler, which is pretty damn impressive. (See: Darius Garland)

Darius Garland: 'Sup?

greepleairport wrote: Fri Mar 18, 2022 4:38 pm Darius Garland: 'Sup?