#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

With the new season right around the corner, Utah Jazz GM digiskunk sat at his desk contemplating what he planned on telling the press. After a rather uneventful offseason, he was at a loss for words; in fact, for the very first time in his life, digi didn't know what to do.

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a phone call: It's a nearby charity who's been hounding him for the donations he promised 34 weeks ago.



Getting back to business, digi begins to sift through his paperwork when he suddenly comes to a realization: He's late for his own press conference! Grabbing his coat in one hand and his brass knuckles in the other, he runs out the door and onto the local bus. "Big city, here I come," he thought to himself as the stench permeating from within soaked its way into his nostrils, burning him from alive.

Upon his arrival to McDonald's, he was instantly surrounded by the press. If it wasn't for his bodyguards, surely digi would've been eaten alive. They pushed their way to the filthy doors of the restaurant, which were wet with vomit. Heading inside, digi climbed atop a table, prepared to address the media.

digiskunk: Ahem. Thank you, my friends, for coming to this press conference. I have a rather long list of things to talk about, so let's jump into it.

First, let's discuss last season. Our team was really happy with our results; not only did we manage to win 13 games, but we did so without having to pay off any of the referees. We made some very important trades which boosted our odds of improving in the near future. Advanced playmakers such as Kofi Cockburn have the potential to EXPLODE in the near future. Y'all will see.

We drafted a player by the name of Terrance Lewis-Weeks. We really have high hopes for him but ehhhhhh. He isn't as versatile as ANGELO ROMERO, perhaps the league's next big superstar.

Also, I wanted to announce some changes for the upcoming season. After a fan attempted to smuggle a knife into the stadium, we decided to boost security by implementing swift shakedowns upon stadium entry. Here is a quick walkthrough of what to expect:


I will now be taking questions!

Are there any goals this season besides getting to the end healthy with a lotto pick?

The absentee plan in UFA was a bold one. What went into the decision to forego offers early on in the free agency process?

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false9 wrote: Mon Jan 17, 2022 2:58 pm Are there any goals this season besides getting to the end healthy with a lotto pick?

I think we're going to be much more competitive than last season—perhaps you'll see a few more wins—golly that would be great! We actually had plans to be much more competitive, but I managed to miss round 1 of UFA. By the 2 round 2 came around, I actually wrote out bids but I forget if I sent them or not. I remember offering that John Blakemore guy $18m/3 seasons, and he ended up signing a contract for $66m! Incredible. But also wtf.

MexicanMamba wrote: Mon Jan 17, 2022 3:01 pm The absentee plan in UFA was a bold one. What went into the decision to forego offers early on in the free agency process?

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We actually had plans to make a splash in UFA but I missed round 1, which ruined everything. I got my days mixed up, and by the time round 2 came around, it was pretty much too late. I wrote out some 2nd round bids but I think I forgot to send them in; however, I doubt I would've landed any of the players I wanted (John Blakemore) because they ended up signing elsewhere for much more...

Who needs UFA signings when you have Harland MacDaniels or whatever the hell his name is

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Right now, you're in a division with the Kings and the 76ers, both of whom are in tax jail right now. As someone who's paid his debt to PBSL society, what advice do you have for those GMs?

You have a pretty cute core; are you planning to do more ab workouts to build your core even more?

garbageman wrote: Mon Jan 17, 2022 3:34 pm Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Right now, you're in a division with the Kings and the 76ers, both of whom are in tax jail right now. As someone who's paid his debt to PBSL society, what advice do you have for those GMs?

Take it from me: Give up. Trying is futile. The higher you aim, the further you'll fall. Just let it all go and it'll take care of itself.

As for advice: Try showering with your clothes on. First, wash the clothes, then undress and wash yourself—this way, you wash yourself AND your clothes! 2 birds with 1 stone!

What are your plans with Alleman and Romero? They’re practically the same player. Is one leaving and one staying? Do you see it differently?


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IamQuailman wrote: Mon Jan 17, 2022 3:42 pm You have a pretty cute core; are you planning to do more ab workouts to build your core even more?

Yes! I've been keeping an eye on the team bank because I'm hoping to use those points for TC in the near future. Our core isn't exactly perfect so we'll definitely be working on that. In the meantime, I've been making sure the team has been hitting the gym. We've also been switching our practice routine up—here's some footage, check it out!