Despite posting a 9-73 record the previous season, Utah Jazz manager digiskunk remained calm and confident. This wasn't the first time the Jazz attempted to crawl out of the basement of the standings and it certainly won't be the last. In a way, this is what he expected—as did everybody else. But Digi still had a lot of explaining to do, and the press was more than prepared to tear his words apart in the paper.
Rather than holding the press conference in the alleyway behind Pizza Hut as per usual, Digiskunk decided to switch things up by scheduling it outside the local police station, allowing him a clear getaway in case the rocks started flying.
digiskunk: Ahem. Is this thing on? Okay, here we go. First and foremost, I'd like to thank the media for giving me this opportunity to redeem myself. I know that a lot of you are disappointed—and I understand that—but first, hear me out man.
Although we finished with the 2nd worst record in the league, we overcame our biggest obstacle heading into last season: Paying off our delinquent debt. Now that that's behind us, we can finally focus on the future. With that said, let's take a look at what else we were able to accomplish last season:
- 1. Frank Peay learned how to read
- 2. Vance Cope won $100 off a scratch-off
- 3. Charles Alleman quit smoking
- 4. Titus Edmonson paid off a speeding ticket
- 5. Brooks Jackson once slept with 3 women in 1 night (no rubbers)
During the offseason, we drafted Angelo Romero, an exciting prospect out of Boise State. It was an obvious choice for us as he's a big, athletic player capable of playing multiple positions and solving advanced mathematical equations. A true scholar, Angelo has it all figured out. Unlike some of the other players, he seems to know what he's doing on the basketball court. Few people can step onto the court and do multiple things, but he seemingly can do that, so all we can do is wait and see. We also AUTO-drafted Charles Richards, which really sucks because we could've drafted a better player had I sent my selections in advance.
We didn't make any big splashes in free agency and that was by design since we're building from the ground up. We did, however, re-sign Vance Cope and acquired Kofi Cockburn, a player out of my hometown Villanova. Both of these players have the potential to be better players, so we're praying that they'll continue to develop during training camp.
I'll now be taking questions!
