S51 Lakers preseason presser
Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2021 2:36 pm
Greeple took the stage, face damp and red, tshirt tattered and jeans with one leg ripped off. Deep breath.
Guys… losing to K100 was the worst moment of my li-
Words choked, eyes leaked. Len Bias emerged from the audience with a fat new contract in one hand and a tissue in the other. Greeple grabbed the contract and blew his nose, away from the mic, thanking Bias with indiscernible words. Astonished, Bias exited stage left...but stopped, patted Greeple’s back and whispered while Greeple collected himself. William Pearman approached the podium with a fresh set of clothes and some soap, which Greeple took and left the stage with Bias.
He might not look it, but he’s bringing me my first ‘ship. You watch, Pearman declared. Delmar then flanked his side.
Guys, we all fall down, except me. I didn’t fall at all in those conference finals. Greeple - bless his heart - tried pulling a fast one on K100 instead of running what worked all season long! But we got his back. My boy Pearman is finally going to learn what real coaching can do for a team. He’s been dying out in Phoenix for way too long, but together we’re spreading the floor, taking teams by measured storm and - mark my words - we are not losing to Philadelphia again. I will bomb Philadelphia before I lose to them again, so if we’re down three games to them in the playoffs again, y’all better have a ‘ship and a national guard ready to take me down before the final minute of the game expires. Makes no difference to me. I’ll win or blow it up!
Greeple called Pearman and Lopez away from the podium, and they chatted quietly until Greeple screamed and ran up to the mic looking like a million bucks and Bias, Pearman, and Delmar disappeared.
I AM LITERALLY BRINGING A CHAINSAW TO PHILADELPHIA. THIS IS NOT A GAME! K100 BETTER LOVE CHAINSAWS OR RUN THE OTHER WAY, CAUSE THAT’S ALL HE’S EVER GETTING FROM GREEPLE AND THE LAKERS.
A CHAINSAAAAAAAAAAAAW
Greeple sliced the podium in half with a chainsaw. The room fell silent, and Greeple left. Enter Bjorn Ironside.
Ahhh, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve seen a lot of things in my storied career, but I’ve never seen a GM this serious about winning a ‘ship. I hope he does! I hope we do. I’ve won one already but playing for this guy has been great and I’d like to help win another however a can. Today, that means reading a statement he prepared a couple days prior in the event his doctor did not renew his Rx in time. Gotta love it, right? A man with a plan. Here we go:
Guys… losing to K100 was the worst moment of my li-
Words choked, eyes leaked. Len Bias emerged from the audience with a fat new contract in one hand and a tissue in the other. Greeple grabbed the contract and blew his nose, away from the mic, thanking Bias with indiscernible words. Astonished, Bias exited stage left...but stopped, patted Greeple’s back and whispered while Greeple collected himself. William Pearman approached the podium with a fresh set of clothes and some soap, which Greeple took and left the stage with Bias.
He might not look it, but he’s bringing me my first ‘ship. You watch, Pearman declared. Delmar then flanked his side.
Guys, we all fall down, except me. I didn’t fall at all in those conference finals. Greeple - bless his heart - tried pulling a fast one on K100 instead of running what worked all season long! But we got his back. My boy Pearman is finally going to learn what real coaching can do for a team. He’s been dying out in Phoenix for way too long, but together we’re spreading the floor, taking teams by measured storm and - mark my words - we are not losing to Philadelphia again. I will bomb Philadelphia before I lose to them again, so if we’re down three games to them in the playoffs again, y’all better have a ‘ship and a national guard ready to take me down before the final minute of the game expires. Makes no difference to me. I’ll win or blow it up!
Greeple called Pearman and Lopez away from the podium, and they chatted quietly until Greeple screamed and ran up to the mic looking like a million bucks and Bias, Pearman, and Delmar disappeared.
I AM LITERALLY BRINGING A CHAINSAW TO PHILADELPHIA. THIS IS NOT A GAME! K100 BETTER LOVE CHAINSAWS OR RUN THE OTHER WAY, CAUSE THAT’S ALL HE’S EVER GETTING FROM GREEPLE AND THE LAKERS.
A CHAINSAAAAAAAAAAAAW
Greeple sliced the podium in half with a chainsaw. The room fell silent, and Greeple left. Enter Bjorn Ironside.
Ahhh, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve seen a lot of things in my storied career, but I’ve never seen a GM this serious about winning a ‘ship. I hope he does! I hope we do. I’ve won one already but playing for this guy has been great and I’d like to help win another however a can. Today, that means reading a statement he prepared a couple days prior in the event his doctor did not renew his Rx in time. Gotta love it, right? A man with a plan. Here we go:
Heh, see? Good guy, good man right there. Chin up Greeple. Ahem..."Losing to Philadelphia, in Philly, by a bucket, was more than my heart could take. More than the heart of LA could bear. But that’s why we’re coming back stronger than ever with talent gone horrendously underutilized in William Pearman. Can you imagine what he’ll do with Delmar? It reminds me of running into the Raptors in the finals back in the 2030s when Bjorn Ironside…"
That’s uhh. That’s all he wrote, Bjorn said. I dunno uhh… yeah why not? I’ll take your questions if he won't! I’m sure he won’t mind. Go!"...and RJ Barrett owned the league. We put up a good fight but got buzzsawed by this dynamic duo, and now I fully expect Delmar and Pearman to emulate that high level versatile floor spreading wing play. We were happy to offer Len Bias another big contract to feed these gentlemen some prime looks and also hope some of these millions inspire him to reignite his 3-ball game, too.
We’re sad Sabo decided to sign with the reigning champion Bulls but understand they had the (slightly) better offer. Justin Todd will slide back into his starting role full time, and we’re going to get great big minutes out of this guy this season. We think Daniel Gamez can expect heavier minutes in the rotation coming off a solid TC, and if we like what we see from Hilton Batton in garbage time, we might bring him into the rotation, too. Looking at Chester Lutes, Kent Alexander and Michael Valero, though, we have our options backing up the front court.
While I’m tempted to make a few interesting moves in our rotation, I’ve learned not to get too crafty. Against the wrong team, inconsistency will get exposed. So while we hope to lock in our starting five lineup early, it’s possible it could take a few sims to lock things down.
Whatever. The S51 Lakers are winning a ‘ship. No questions."
