As "Juicy James" Gebhart catches his reflection in a passing by window, he can't help but take a moment to sulk in the lavishing beauty that's standing there before him. Decked out in all the latest threads from Gucci, "Juicy James" has dressed to impress — and why the hell not? "When you're as good looking as I am," Juicy J. say as he whips out a pocket full of $10 bills, "you can't afford to be walking around looking like a Milwaukee Buck."
Flashback: It's 5:45pm on October 31st, 2010, and "Lil Juicy" James Gebhart is all dressed in his Halloween costume, eager to hit the streets in search of some fine sweats. But unbeknownst to him, his mother has other plans: "Juicy J, you best take that damn costume off right now. You know I won't let you go out unsupervised, and Mama has plans with her boyfriend tonight," his mother explains as she cracks open her third 40oz of Steel Reserve. Hanging his head in defeat, "Lil Juicy" James pulls off his yellow peanut M&M costume before running up the stairs to his room, tears flowing down his 12-year old face, heartbroken.
This wasn't the first time Mama tried to get in the way of him having fun, neither. Ever since he was a little boy, she's been stepping in and pulling him aside from extracurricular activities. He couldn't remember the last time he was actually allowed to go out and have fun, and that always bothered him growing up. "Why does she always have to be like this?", he'd wonder as he would lay his head down to rest. Occasionally, he'd play the album "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel on the family record player as he dozed off to sleep — their somber but soothing songs playing in the cold, distant background.
What young James Gebhart failed to understand, however, was just how unforgiving the menacing streets of North Highlands, California truly were. This wasn't your typical American suburb where you could casually walk down the street without having to look over your shoulder; instead, this town was alive and well with hardened criminals and social parasites who were eager to pick your pocket and screw you over. Mama Gebhart learned this the hard way back in 2007 when she attempted to stop a mugging from occurring — and that's when police stepped in and attempted to pin the mugging attempt on her instead. You didn't have to go far to find trouble in North Highlands, that's for sure.
Despite his rough & rumble upbringing, young "Juicy" James couldn't help but feel inspired by the idea of becoming an artist. He made an early attempt at becoming a ventriloquist, but that was an experiment which was quickly abandoned upon realizing he couldn't get the dummy to repeat everything he wanted him to say. One night, the ventriloquist dummy said something he never expected — something along the lines of "fall asleep and your nads are mine, bitch tits" — which lead "Lil Juicy" to quickly abandon that hobby.
But James was tired of being sheltered. He was tired of being a so-called "Mama's Boy" who couldn't come out to play. He yearned for adventured; he craved excitement — which is what lead him, many years later, to try out for his high-school's theater program. Despite them being in the midst of casting actors for the play "In 1492 I Sailed the Ocean Blue", Juicy James was determined to prove to his mother that he was more than just a boy, he was an artist with a vision — which is why he sought to audition for the role of Christopher Columbus, the lead role in the play. Inspired to be the greatest there ever was in the world show business, he would spend countless hours studying cinema and theater alike; he'd read Shakespeare and watch modern film, particularly films with strong, stoic male leads. Once homework was done, he'd indulge in his favorite pieces of cinema and would read prose. An introvert at heart, there was a passion burning deep inside him that refused to be extinguished; instead, it longed to engulf him.
It didn't take long, however, until he discovered the film Zoolander and realized his true calling in life: fashion. The next thing you know, "Juicy" James was mentoring the class on how to dress, teaching them what was appropriate to wear, what was out-of-style for the time period, etc. He was, without a doubt, slowly taking over this project — and that was all part of his plan. He wanted to prove to his mother that he was capable of doing anything, even if it was as silly as dressing as Christopher Columbus for a school play. But this was his dream; this was his vision; and he'd be damned if anybody — even his own mother — was going to get in the way of his dream.
But he never told his mother about dressing up as Christopher Columbus. He knew she'd never understand his adoration for the arts; their lives were much too different and, he feared that if she were to find out, that it would ultimately alienate their relationship for good. So he kept his mouth shut and toiled for hours at home, assembling outfits out of fabrics that he had collected and purchased at the local thrift store. Drawing inspiration from his favorite artists in magazines such as GQ, he was slowly but surely becoming a self-made man, and he suddenly found himself full of confidence because of it.
"I felt on top of the world," James would later recall as he checked his reflection in the mirror. "I knew I was hot sh*t — I knew I looked amazing. I felt amazing. And you know what? That inspired me to pick up a basketball. I looked at those cats on that court, I looked at those cats and thought to myself, 'geeze, look how silly they look out there. They need some style, man. And style is exactly what I gave them. I gave that team grace, I gave them the image they needed to stand out. If they wanted to get chicks, they all came to me, man. I had 'em flockin' to me like flies on horse sh*t."
Full of confidence, James tried out for his high-school basketball team and immediately made the varsity team as a shooting guard. Juggling between theater, his own fashion projects, and now basketball, he quickly found himself overwhelmed with all of these extracurricular activities. But no matter how hot the pressure got, "Juicy" James always stayed cool — so cool in fact, he'd often play games in sunglasses and customized accessories, such as hand-knitted psychedelic arm sleeves and pirate eye patches. His reputation as an eccentric quickly lead him to becoming quite the celebrity at school, and it wasn't long before colleges began to take notice of the impressive numbers he was putting up — not to mention the ladies lining up outside of his team's locker room.
"They didn't know what to think. They saw this long, slender black man out there doing his thang — doing his thang in his own threads, with his own style, with his own flavor. You see, I always had rhythm on and off the court, and I loved to showboat," James would later recollect. "I was, and always will be, flamboyant. I'm flashier than a flashlight, sweeter than sugar, slicker than the B.P. oil spill — but when I need to be, I can also be cold as ice, more infuriating than a case of bed bugs. I can be just like Sid from Toy Story — and trust me, you don't want that, man. You just want 'Juicy' James to keep his cool."
Gebhart quickly made a name for himself in college, averaging 14.23 points per game for Boise between 2015‒2017. In 2018, he was selected by the Utah Jazz with the 4th overall pick of the PBSL Draft. And as one would come to expect from the lean, mean, slam-dunkin', jump-shootin' machine, he came dressed to impressed: Decked out in all the freshest designer clothes, he paraded himself throughout the arena like a living legend, as if he were Hulk Hogan or, even better yet, Freddie Mercury. He was, without a doubt, the biggest man in the room that night — and everybody knew it. They fed off of his enthusiasm like an alcoholic with a pint of Vladimir vodka.
"They didn't see it coming. I was a revolution that night. Imagine Elvis Presley — now make him black, and hip — well that was me. I made guys like Damion Williams look mentally challenged; I even made big guys like Erik Haynes look like children out there — man, it was quite the show," James boasted as he put his cigar out on the forehead of a young child passing by. "No worries — it ain't no thang. That's why I've got a lawyer."
"Juicy" James would spend the next year winning over fans around the league with his highly-eccentric personality and artistic style. As gifted as he was on the basketball court, he was equally as gifted on the runway, where he would often strut his stuff to show off his latest seasonal attires and wardrobes, as well as new releases from high-end fashion designers.
"People don't understand that a well-dressed man is the best kind of man, and that's why I am the way that I am. I'm juicier than a watermelon, I'm funkier than body odor, I'm more shocking than electrotherapy — I'm 'Juicy' James Gebhart", James told us before he began doing donuts in the parking lot in his brand new Lamborghini, leaving our assembled crew in a whirlwind of dust.
"F*ck you!" he yelled as he drove off into the Utah sunset, his middle finger blazing in the distance.
