Utah Jazz: Post-Season Press Conference

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digiskunk
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Utah Jazz: Post-Season Press Conference

Post by digiskunk »

Lights, camera, action: With the fans and members of the press still buzzing about the Utah Jazz's miraculous victory in game 1, people anxiously file in to hear general manager Digiskunk's latest words and thoughts. The Jazz, who were underdogs heading into this fight, were able to win game 1 — but it came at the cost of losing Darren Collison to an injury.

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Digiskunk: Welcome folks, and thanks for joining us tonight. I'm extremely proud of the effort my team has put forth so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next. To be honest, I wasn't really expecting our team to put up much of a fight following the huge Andrew Bogut trade, but to my surprise, Timofey Mozgov hasn't been too disappointing. I mean, he grabbed what — 8 rebounds whilst scoring 8 points in 29 minutes of play? That's pretty badass if you ask me. I'm sure some of you may argue that there must have been some sort of Russian operative or Timothy Donaghy-type officiating the game, but I'll say this much: It was all heart, all effort. Those buys really put it all on the line tonight and I am proud of them.

Unfortunately, although we won game 1, we lost our prized point guard, Darren Collison, in the process. Game 2 was a huge blowout which I fail to acknowledge, so let's skip that and pretend it never happened. Game 3 is going to be difficult to win without our beloved point guard; but since he's listed as day-to-day, we're going to play him regardless. Because, seriously, what the hell do we have to lose? We don't exactly have depth at the guard position so we're gonna force his ass outta his wheelchair and he's going to play at least 20 mins per game heading forwarding. That's just the way it is in the PBSL.

Anyway, we're extremely grateful to have a 1–1 record in the playoffs so far. I know that it's not much, but considering the odds, we're happy with being .500 in the playoffs right now. We haven't exactly had the best track record following the trade deadline and we're grateful for every victory we can get.

I'll now be taking any questions from the press!
"ass to ass!" —that old guy from Requiem For A Dream
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IamQuailman
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Re: Utah Jazz: Post-Season Press Conference

Post by IamQuailman »

Meanwhile, in a parallel blue screen dimension, the Jazz still won Game 1, but on a buzzer beater from Nando de Colo from 3. Deep into the shot clock, Nando chucked up a prayer and drilled it. Who passed him the ball? Darren Collison? NOPE, none other than Mr. Clutch Paul George.

IS THIS REAL LIFE?
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Inner_GI
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Re: Utah Jazz: Post-Season Press Conference

Post by Inner_GI »

YOu can claim 2 points.
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