Terry: What? No! I don't know why you're doing this.
Denver GM: No, it's fine! Thanks for sitting down with me. Let's jump right in with your first question.
T: Wellllll. Ok, are you looking forward to this season?
GM: I think the key word in your question there is 'looking forward'. See, that's what our offseason plans were all about. Our 'Big 3' pieces were 30, 29, and 25. Sure we could have given it another run - and maybe would have been the favorites out of the whole Western Conference. But, we were paying them a whole lot of money, and would have run into problems with the luxury tax-
T: Luxury Tax?
GM: Yeah, when you go over the salary cap-
T: Then how is it a salary cap, if you can go over it?
GM: It's a...soft cap...I don't know, some cat that runs the league said it was okay
T: What?
GM: Nevermind. So anyway, we really had an obligation to the fans in the long run to build a foundation that was younger, cheaper, and could be more-
T: This is a long answer
GM: Yeah, sorry. But I Was saying, more competitive in the long run. So we traded for a glutton of youth, potential, while still receiving NBA-ready players on good deals. So, yes. We are looking forward. Our ceiling on this season may not, admittedly, be as high as it could have been, but we like our future aspect much better.
T: Well my next question was gonna be 'What's the biggest difference between this season and last season,' but I don't know if it fits anymore, because of your meandering last answer.
GM: Are we in a fight?
T: No? Anyway, I guess I'll ask: Who's the biggest loser on your team?
GM: Without a doubt, it's Tony Allen. Tony (all 6'4" of him) is a tenacious defender, no doubt, but the years have slowed him BIG time. He now probably isn't fast enough to run with anyone at any position in the NBA. But if some player happens to dribble by him with the ball, he's probably going to steal it, because he's got great hands. So yeah, he's old, he's making $11m, he was the fortunate product of the Grizzlies needing to match salaries in one of the trades I mentioned above. I know you're getting tired of this, but can we get through like 2 or 3 more questions?
T: Who's your biggest competition this year?
GM: Wow, that's actually a good question. I'm surprised. I mean I never expected an actually reasonable intelligent question out of this.
T: I'm Terry Fryeing Gross....
GM: Whooooops. My apologies. Um. Okay. Backtracking. Backtracking. Okay. Oh! Biggest competition. Okay. So, my biggest competition? There are a LOT of teams that could be really great this year. I feel pretty confident in our chances to win the division. It's pretty wide open, but all the other teams have fundamental flaws or lack of depth - which is my team's best quality. In the Western Conference, the Suns and Clippers are always dangerous as they boast two of the three best players in the league (as evidenced by the fact the they went 2-3 in our inaugural fantasy league)-
T (sarcastically): OOOOOH - A fantasy league? Hahahahaha(uncontrollable gigglefits)
GM: Uhm, yeah. We're real nerds. Anywayz. I think the Rockets and Pelicans should do some work in the Southwest as well. The playoffs should be interesting for sure. Out East, the Bucks are a powerhouse, and the Raptors and Pacers have excellent individual players. I think it'd be an upset if one of those 3 teams didn't win it.
T: Ummm, this is a lot more boring than I anticipated...
GM: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Okay Okay, just one last question...then we can go to breakfast.
T: How much longer do you forsee being a General Manager?
GM:
T: *more giggles*
GM: Alright alright, we're done. Looking forward to questions from sportswriters from now on...
