The lights come on in time, and Garbage Man hops around Steve Ballmer-style, air guitaring harmonized solos along with Phil Lenatt and the boys from Thin Lizzy. After a few minutes of this bullshit, Garbage Man steps to the mic and whispers...
GM: The Bulls are back! The Bulls are back!
Then, there's some more air guitar, and Garbage Man exits stage left...
...only to be ushered back towards the podium by some PBSL brass.
GM (off-mic, but audible): What do you mean I won't get my 5 points if that's all I do?
The PBSL suits reply in Peanuts adult WOMP WOMP WOMP WOMP WOMP sounds.
GM: Fine.
Garbage Man taps on the microphone and surveys the average crowd with joy. It's the first time the Bulls have had this much fan support since he's taken over the struggling Bulls and given them their first winning season in almost a decade.
GM: Thank you. It's great to be here, and it feels really good to come off of a winning season. This organization turned things around from having a 2012 season where we went 34-48 to a 2013 season where, without a draft pick, we went 48-34.
Garbage Man accepts some light, scattered applause that dies down quickly.
GM: We did this by giving up Gordon Hayward for Ramon Sessions and Larry Sanders, and while we think Gordon looks like he's becoming a more impactful player in Philadelphia, we feel that Ramon really completed our lineup and gave us a true point guard to man the backcourt with James Harden. At the end of the day, we were happy to make the playoffs, but we're still disappointed that we weren't able to put away a very talented Miami Heat team at home in game 7.
Garbage Man grabs a small remote from the podium and clicks a button. The image on the screen projected behind him turns from the end of the Thin Lizzy video to a Bulls logo.
GM: Now that the bar is set a little higher, we wanted to make some moves this offseason to get us back to the playoffs and make a deeper run. We were able to use a first round pick we obtained from Brooklyn to draft Gary Harris with the 5th overall pick. We think Gary was the best player available, so we drafted him despite having more pressing needs in other areas. We were happy to reconnect with a good trade partner in Philadelphia, and we're really happy with the deal we worked out to flip our 5th pick.
GM: We knew Taj was on the market, and while we prioritized resigning Paul Millsap, we knew that his talent would attract teams to offer him contracts larger than we could afford. Our defense was a weak point last year, and once we hit the playoffs, we knew that the only way to compete with elite teams was to bolster our defense. In our stronger defensive efforts, we'd win, but those were fewer and further between than we would have liked. I know the pre-season isn't something to get overly excited about, but our defense in those 6 games was 6th best in the league, so I am confident that we'll be a tougher, grittier team, thanks in big part to Taj Gibson.
GM: We were also excited to obtain one of the 76ers' 1st rounders, Zach LaVine. Zach was an interesting prospect to us because of his athleticism and offense. We felt he'd need a little bit of work over the next few years to be productive, but we were confident in his potential. He showed up to training camp ready to play, and frankly, he surprised us with what he can do. He's readier than we anticipated he'd be at this point, and we believe he can make a much more significant impact in the league than we figured at the time of the trade. His preseason performance was very encouraging, scoring efficiently at only 19 years of age. His defense may need a little polishing, but he's proven to us that he has the potential to be a solid player on both ends of the court as he develops.
GM: Since our first trade worked out so well for us, we looked to move Niko Mirotic. Nikola looks like he could be a great fit somewhere, but we knew that when we obtained Taj, it wasn't with us. Maybe in an alternate reality, we'd keep Niko, forget about Taj, and barely make the playoffs to settle a down-to-the-wire steak dinner bet, but here in PBSL, Taj was our guy. We still had hope that we could retain Millsap, so we wanted to flip Niko for some depth in the backcourt. We had liked Patrick Beverley since scouting him in the draft a couple years ago, and we watched his development in Houston go well behind Ty Lawson. He brings fierce defense and solid shooting to the Bulls, and we think he'll be a key piece of our second unit to help give us 48 minutes of solid, determined play.
GM: Finally, UFA came, and we were able to retain Paul Millsap for what we believe is a great price. Paul was a huge part of our success last year, and at the end of the day, he believed in our vision enough to continue to be a part of our success in the future. He'll be a great complement to Taj at the 4 spot. We were also able to obtain 8 other Power Forwards. This was definitely on purpose. We wanted to make a statement about having an even better season in 2014. Our new motto?
GM: Power forward! It's more than just one position in basketball. It's a position in team philosophy. Any questions?
