It almost seemed like all of DC was crammed into the room. Players, reporters, rappers, cheerleaders, and fans alike were all packed indoors dancing, eating, jamming, talking, whatever. Well...not all of them. Ray Allen was out in the backyard tossing horseshoes with a few guys, and the Wizards' GM, Xist, was curled up in a corner with his hands over his ears, muttering something about "too much damn money" and keeping his eyes peeled for reporters to avoid. All of a sudden, the lights went down and the DJ, local rapper Wale, took the mic.
"All right, all right, what's good everybody! Right now I'd like to bring in the MC for this evening, you know him, I know him, making his return to the DMV, the MVP, RASHARD LEWIS!"
*The crowd cheers as Lewis swaggers out and heads to the stage. Xist breathes a sigh of relief, as he really had been worried that his star player was going to leave for greener pastures*
Yo yo yo, let me speak on dis! Wassup!*"WASSUP!" the crowd shouted in response*
Viva DC!"VIVA DC!"
That's right, 'cuz the Wiz Kidz be rowdy rowdy and..."'BOUT IT 'BOUT IT!"
Sho' nuff. We the baddest low downs 'round this town, and before I get to laying it out, I wanna say one thing..."WHAT!?"
...It's good to be back. DC's my home from another area code, I love y'all man. Now that we've got that out of the way, lemme introduce some new faces. Ol' Scrooge McX finally opened up his vault and made good on getting some new blood in with all that cap space we had. So right now, I want y'all to show some love...for Mr. Money in the Bank, Marcus Banks, and Zig-Zaggy P, Zaza Pacha...Pachouli....Poochi...Zaza y'all!
*Banks and Pachulia come out to cheers. Few expected the Wizards to land anyone of note in Free Agency, and fewer still expected whoever they did sign to actually show some promise. But folks were pleasantly shocked with the additions of two legitimately promising young talents to the Wizards roster*
Yeah, and you all know about some of our other guys, like A-Double, Alan Anderson, Whip-n-Nene Hilario, Rayray and Bullwinkle...I mean Boris. And making his way back to the DMV, the real Double J, Jarrett Jack!
*Jack doesn't come to the stage, but raises his glass as the spotlight moves to him and his homies. Rumors had been swirling for the past few seasons about the Wizards being interested in bringing the hometown guy in, and finally the dream was a reality*
So one more thing before we officially get this party started...we're hoping for better things in the future, things have been a bit slow for a while now. Last season was a crazy one for all the right and wrong reasons, but this season we hope to get this train back on track and keep the good times comin'. So we went and got a new look to go with our new attitude, and I'd like to ask my boy Gilbert Arenas to come up here and show off our new main threads!*Arenas, who really should've been in Minnesota right now, pimp-walked his way to the stage, showing off the new gold, black, and white jersey that was to be the Wizards' primary road jersey from now on*
Yeah, we hope to get back to the point where we just don't wear gold, we get it! Now enough of the yap. Wale! Let's get this party started right!The crowd started jamming as some reporters started scrambling around, trying to get scoops any way possible. Xist, for his part, slipped on some shades and flipped his hood over his head, hoping to slip out unnoticed...
Alan Anderson, without a doubt. He, along with Nene, were just two project guys we decided to offer vet minimums to bolster our bench. Immediately after his camp announced that he would sign here, Alan called me personally to thank me and say that I wouldn't regret it. Then out of nowhere, Alan morphs into a player that's slated to play a prime role for us this season, insane for an afterthought signing. We've all been taken aback by just how enthusiastic Alan's been.
Why thank you sir, I must say that it's quite reassuring to hear such words spoken about me. For my part, I'm absolutely thrilled to be here. Might I interest you in a drink, sir?
