Cavaliers 2006-2007 Preseason Press Ass Whipping

[42PhD]

To see
To bleed
Cannot be taught
In turn
You're making us
<expletive deleted> hostile

We stand alone

-- <expletive deleted> Hostile, Pantera

phpBB [video]

Owner: Enters, Stage Left Hey, everyone. Nice to see you all today. Do you like the meal we prepared for you?

What's that? You don't see the meal?

Oh, this afternoon you'll have your choice of eating my ass or taking a bite of my dick. You pick, ok?

You make me <expletive deleted> sick. Years of blasting us building a god damned business here, then rumor-mongering about amid amid clear League Office breakdowns while our star player is injured, in part because of these cockups, and now we are screwed out of League bonuses. I expect this from these walking old man balls I'm in business with, but god damned son of a <expletive deleted> cumfarting whore bitch you all disgust me.

We're better, <expletive deleted> you, and I'm going to every tire in the parking lot.

Exit, Stage Left

GM: Enters, Stage Right Ummm, hello. We actually do have a fruit tray and drinks in the corner, as well . . . Ummm, for those looking for vegetarian fare.

First, we have some preliminary matters. We'd like to congratulate the Kings on winning the League title last season. We also want to wish Cedric Ceballos a happy retirement. We were happy to have him and give him a good role on our team. We wish we could have taken him to the playoffs, of course, but we were happy to have him here regardless, and we hope he feels the same.

Also, you will find, "More than enough money for replacement tires, tows, hotels, cabs, food, and whores" in your press packets on the way out.

Now, to recap. As you all know, Chris Paul is fully healthy after his tumultuous rookie season. We've had to part with some players, like Michael Doleac, Donnell Harvey, Quentin Richardson, and Malik Allen. We are glad to see that some of them and many other former Cavs from our tenure have found homes around the League. Not only is it good for members of the Cavs family, it's a testament to our ongoing efforts here to build a real contender in a new mold to match the new era that is dawning. We are in the Twilight of the Idols, to borrow from Nietzsche, and it's time for a new kind of man to take the stage.

For us, we were looking for something very specific in our next rebuild step. Last season, we struck out in free agency, and it really hurt us. We brought in talent we needed to make the playoffs without hurting future flexibility and offered contracts that we thought might work if a trade came out, but they were very polar, due to needing to ensure at least one key acquisition. This season, we have some more moderate contracts.

We also drafted Randy Foye, who has just blown us away. It's hyperbole to call him the steal of the draft, and Randy has great respect for his draft class and wishes those guys the best. League rules prevent me from naming those guys. We feel that we perhaps got the steal of the draft. Randy feels the way we do in Cleveland, like we're viewed as second tier . . . and it's justified, but we are determined to raise that view point.

While we are the subject of Randy, he is donating 10% of his salary to awareness of situs inversus, a birth defect in which his body is reflected, left to right, from the rest of ours. He functions perfectly, but things like appendicitis and other location specific ailments are often misdiagnosed or surgeries are complicated by a lack of awareness. Randy has this condition, and we'll be matching his contribution 2-for-1. In fact, and he may be mad for saying this, but our owner is doing this from his personal accounts exclusively because he feels, "That's <expletive deleted> bullshit," which is kind when you think about it.

Of course, the big news is the signing of Paul Pierce away from our Division rival Indiana Pacers. Paul is exactly what this team needed in free agency. He's a great small forward, tough, mean, a best inside, and is very good in handling and passing. We were stunned when we got the news, in fact. Our marketing department also landed in a goldmine with the two Pauls. On that front, that was actually part of our pitch, as we had everything lined up for his own brand of condoms. "A Paul Pierce penetrates like no other." Look for more on that as the season develops.

Michael Redd is now free to return to his primary position at shooting guard and James Jones can play some small small forward. Outlaw will be a combo forward, while Fred Jones and Keyon Dooling remain our reserve guards. Brendan Haywood just keeps proving that he can be a force on the right team and will play at Center. Darius Miles will be backup center and float around the frontcourt as needed. Chris Paul, of course, runs the team from the point.

Our new acquisitions are, of course, Forwards and Centers, as the frontcourt needed some depth. Jake Voskuhl was added to play Center, but he can spot at forward if we need size. Mehmet Okur has always been a curious player given his development, how he was drafted, his age, and his rare combination of skills. We had to have him. He'll be a backup big for now. Nenad Krstic, Ryan Gomes, and Viktor Khryapa were acquired as developmental prospects who can all play spot minutes, particularly Khryapa. His translator says he and Paul really hit it off. Still, those guys will likely not see a minute of action this season.

Like we have been doing, we plan to run a fast offense with lots of motion. We'll leverage our athleticism and the efficiency of free throw shooting and three-point shots. We've managed to address some defensive weaknesses and our primary weakness, which was rebounding.

We're actually not really sure what we've got when we stack up to more traditionally built teams, but we will gather all our game data and pore over it in an effort to tweak our game plans or our roster to see not just how well we can play but to help us identify that next piece we need and just what we can give up to get it.

We've put an extra emphasis on our bookkeeping, and we'll have our audit completed before the season, but we want to make sure we don't fall into the same trap other teams have as they've pursued a title. The lessons out there are simply chilling. To this end, we expect to issue a report on salaries from last season shortly, an offshoot of our report on high-dollar contracts . . . which came in very handy this offseason.

Also, now that things are more settled in the League Office, we'll be back with more episodes of Hardwood Knocks.

The Cavaliers will continue to improve their franchise in the League through innovation unseen throughout the League. We hope to win a title along the way.

We now open the floor for questions and comments.

Thank you all.

Possessed
I feel a conquering will down inside me
Strength
The strength of many to crush
Who might stop me
My strength is in number
And my soul lies in every one
The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun
Hold your mouth for the war
Use it for what it's for
Speak the truth about me
Determined

-- Mouth for War, Pantera

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[Xist2Inspire]

Random Reporter: This is probably the first presser I've been to that gives the answer to all the real questions in the opening statement. Great job. Now, on to the trivial stuff: Who's your designated rival for this season; in essence, who are you looking to screw over the most? In seasons past it was the Atlanta Hawks, now the Indiana Pacers have expressed interest in sparking a feud through statements such as:

Im going to devour your team like how a Bear mauls a lost college girl on her first hiking trip. And thats the bottomline because PaulyP and the Pacers SAID SO

Do you share these hostile sentiments, or are you unconcerned and have bigger fish to fry?

[42PhD]

GM: Thank you, sir. I'd like to remind you about the fruit tray and beverages.

Our intention was to give away the basic information and reserve our time here for more specific, idiosyncratic, or nuanced discussion.

We have nothing against the Hawks. We only target the top teams. We take no satisfaction in defeating poor times, like team took no satisfaction in defeating us early on. We've tried to come to deals with the Hawks, but the pieces were not there to converge despite the will to do so.

When the Lakers won the title, we turned our sites to them, and the same with Raptors, Sixers, and now the Kings.

This is not uncommon.

However, I want to give you a different answer, as well, since I think you want to know if there is a personal or situational rivalry. Our most natural situation rival would have to the the Sonics. We've been on a similar timeline for a while, and our franchises are both our of the normal mold. It's not enmity, as you suggest might be directed toward us from Indiana, though not the other way around, just two teams racing for the same "chair" as it were in this game of musical chairs.

[NOLa.]

A signing like Pierce can change a teams expectations faster than expected. What were expectations before Pierce, and now with Pierce in terms of competing.

Sent via Morse code

[42PhD]

A signing like Pierce can change a teams expectations faster than expected. What were expectations before Pierce, and now with Pierce in terms of competing.

Sent via Morse code

GM: Good question. Certainly the expectations have increased for you external observers. From what and to what, that's hard to say, but I imagine that there are people that are expecting a first of second round exit depending on luck and the matchup.

Internally, I would say that our expectations dissolved. Before, we expected to make some solid starter signings that would put us about 50-50 for making the playoffs given out goals of getting a value contributor or two and some rentals to go with development guys. Pierce changes the ceiling and how we grow. We are more in the days gathering phase. We'll set our current and future expectations there.

That said, and in the interest of giving you your quote, I would say that a superficial analysis, as expected, agrees with popular opinion. We hope, however, that our team construction has a higher ceiling than that.

[NickMalone77]

Nick Melon; The Advocate: From tumultuous and callous to now rambunctious and ambitious, yes, a lot of "ous" at the end of regular words... Now, while a lot of focus is now on the wall to wall, Paul to Paul basketball combo posters in Cleveland, can the Cavs finally give this city something to cheer about for the first time since having a once dominant Dominque Wilkins on the roster?

[42PhD]

GM: It's not for me to decide who cheers for what, but the fans should like the brand of basketball and star power we field. Winning will help even more.

[JNR]

GWR: It's now been four years since Mehmet Okur was drafted with high promise in the third pick of the draft. He has had several training camps, and he still hasn't been able to reach the potential that the Pacers saw in him. Do you think that your training staff and coaching staff can get something out of Okur that we haven't seen?

[42PhD]

GWR: It's now been four years since Mehmet Okur was drafted with high promise in the third pick of the draft. He has had several training camps, and he still hasn't been able to reach the potential that the Pacers saw in him. Do you think that your training staff and coaching staff can get something out of Okur that we haven't seen?

We feel that if Okur holds steady, that he is a good fit, even at that price, provided he commits to his athleticism. He can't help how he was drafted, but we are fortunate that the team that drafted him felt ok trading him away, and the team that traded for him found itself in such financial disarray that it could not enter into meaningful contract negotiations with him, despite being warned on numerous occasions about the consequences of the limited focus of their management.

Still, he was not signed on potential alone. He was signed based on his skills. He can play two positions, is a competent defender and rebounder, can shoot the 3 and free throws, and can provide some passing and ball handling. Those last few are rare among bigs and are of value here. Barring the kind of disaster that can affect any player, we feel him reaching is potential only makes him a great value instead of a good one.

[PaulyP]

Darth Mauly P, Sith News Network: Do you have a contingency plan when Pierce gets hurt?

[42PhD]

Darth Mauly P, Sith News Network: Do you have a contingency plan when Pierce gets hurt?

GM: Sure.

Short term, we'd use Viktor, James, Travis and Michael to eat up his minutes.

Medium term, we have some cap space to use and picks to move or use.

Long term, we can easily trade him to teams who can not sign free agents, and the number of those teams is growing, not shrinking. One will do the deal because it will be worth a to to them in wins and points in transactions.

At some point, you have to take calculated risk, and we are close to committing 9 figures to Paul, and that is a risk. We did the calculation, however.

His was the only max contract offer we made. He is worth the risk to us.

[TrayWithAnA]

I'm just here for the five points and the fruit tray, but since I'm here, what were your thoughts on the Lakers matching your offer sheet for Reggie Evans? Where did he rank on your targets and did him accepting your offer just screw you out of other options?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[42PhD]

I'm just here for the five points and the fruit tray, but since I'm here, what were your thoughts on the Lakers matching your offer sheet for Reggie Evans? Where did he rank on your targets and did him accepting your offer just screw you out of other options?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

GM: Our fruit trays (with an A) and press... events... are just more examples of how Cleveland is changing all areas of franchise for the better compared to the prior regime.

We made exactly two RFA offers. Evans was one, and the other was not accepted. We made the offers based need, market, and if we thought the other team may match. The Lakers were in a position to match or not, depending on their taste, so it was not a wasted effort. Evans is not a big scorer, but addressed some needs we had, so we, again, felt we had a touch of leverage.

We bid a contract we could live with, not to "win," and that was in favor of the Lakers. Overall, I think it was a tossup, which means we did a good job. The Lakers wanted him, which we cannot control, so we moved on.

Had our contract situation been less polar, we may have been able to come to a trade, of course, but our last free agency period left our salary situation without moderate contracts to facilitate such trades.

[WigNosy]

You handed out a relatively large contract late in Free Agency to Mehmet Okur - what kind of role do you see him taking on this squad?

[42PhD]

You handed out a relatively large contract late in Free Agency to Mehmet Okur - what kind of role do you see him taking on this squad?

GM: We actually tried for Okur in each round. In the first round, we ended up getting Pierce. In the second round, he declined our reduced offer. In the last round, we made a smaller offer than we did in Round 1 by a little bit. Given the teams with space and roster room and our feeling of how he would fit, we went for it, adjusting offer downward based on various factors.

We see Okur as a forward and center who can start at either position as long as he is not the primary front court player. Given his potential to score very efficiently from the arc and the line as a big , we value him as a potential key scorer. He also is a defender and rebounder, at least in Cleveland, so we should see some improvement there.

We agree, there's a wait and see aspect to this acquisition, but we see way more potential for him to be a value contract than an albatross.

[ballsohard]

What is your take on the Orlando Magic and their recent dealings with the cap?

[42PhD]

What is your take on the Orlando Magic and their recent dealings with the cap?

GM: The Magic should be commended for trying what few in the League have the moxie or ability to try. Also, they went all-in without getting cold feed and trading down to avoid a larger tax bill while avoiding a title.

However, they gave out some contracts that were too large and too long. They also don't seem to have really figured out their rotation or paid as much attention to their non-star players. There was a good deal going on down there, but I can help but think that Orlando had the title team but just could not field it. The injury issue for them in the playoffs was shared by other teams, but if that was an issue, then I think it was heightened for the aforementioned reasons.

Their initial deconstruction has been a disaster, however. They are not furthering their cash or their assets, just cutting costs irresponsibly. They priority one was trading away Hardaway, but they chose the easy route of trading away top players for scraps. It's moves like this that add credence to the above criticism of not being thorough, paying attention only to the most glaring things, good or bad.

I'm not sure if that is more of a compliment or criticism, but I think it is supported by facts and leaves out nothing important. The Magic will be legendary for years to come while some franchises are just perpetual expansion teams, lacking a plan or fortitude to see it through, win or lose. However, they are also an Icarean warning to the Deadaluses of the League, of which I am one.

Either way, we should all raise our glasses to the Magic for giving us all something to talk about and flying where only eagles, not even Hawks, dare.

[IamQuailman]

Is your team ready to make the jump now, or are you looking to continue the rebuild process?

[42PhD]

Is your team ready to make the jump now, or are you looking to continue the rebuild process?

GM: We don't recognize that sort of jargon around the League as valid as it regarding roster construction. GM's simply use words in PR battles for purposes other than accurate description. Here, we are just always "building," if we are going to agree to that industrial vocabulary. Players always changes, markets always change, other teams always change. If you adhere to a plan that does not take into account possible changes to all of these, including disaster, then you are relying on luck more than you have to, and luck is already such a big factor . . . anyone saying otherwise is selling something.

The point is to use luck for you as much as against you, and to be prepared to capitalize on good luck when it happens, as we did with our Pauls. We have some cap space now and ahead, and we have decisions to make once we start getting data from the season. The only contract we have that is not desirable to the majority of the League is Michael Redd, and not every team is constructed to use him appropriately, and he was an RFA match anyway, so you can thank the Hornets for that value being attached to him. Okur's contract, we feel, is justified, but time will tell on it. Remember, he's a big man with a rare skill set. The market for him may be smaller, but the price is right.

As far as taking a leap, we expect our team to be better than last season due to roster changes and likely improved injury luck. However, we are only better, in our minds, if we field the team in a better way than we did last season and the season before that, and so on. We may also see some improvement in the standings because other teams get worse, but we don't concern ourselves with these things. Those are not to our credit.

"We expect to make the playoffs" is what I think you want me to say.