Kiss My Silky Johnson: S65 Bulls Preseason Presser

[garbageman]

LAST SEASON ON THE CHICAGO BULLS...

Chicago Bulls trade for Charles Jarrett and Ken Dirks in the offseason...

Sviatoslav Mykhailiuk leads the leagues in blocks, makes the all-star team, and wins 1st team all defense honors....

Malik Osborne wins the dunk contest...

The Bulls finish first in their conference with the Warriors hot on their tail...

The Bulls rest up from their first round bye and handily polish the Nuggets in round 2...

After a 2-2 back and forth slog with the Golden State War-




AND NOW...

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...THE OWNER OF YOUR CHICAGO BULLS...


A short man in a sharp suit and sunglasses indoors comes out waving with the Alan Parsons Symphonic Project blowing people's <expletive deleted>' minds in the background.


...ROMAN ROY


The guitar solo hits, and Roman Roy starts air guitaring alongside Alastaire Greene, who's just ripping through a solo like a body builder tearing a phone book in half in a school assembly about harnessing the power to do anything you put your mind to as long as you stay off drugs and practice abstinence. Hell, they got one of those guys there, too, and he's ripping through a phone book like Alastaire Greene tearing up the fretboard of his Les Paul.

Then the song ends, and without even nearing the podium, Roman leaves for the back with a fist in the air, soaking in the cheers that were probably mostly meant for Alan Parsons.

Alan Parsons: "Thank you. We've got two more for you."

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Alan Parsons: "You've been a wonderful audience. Up next, the Chicago Bulls preseason press conference will begin, and you'll be able to ask them questions about a simulated basketball league."

The crowd cheers, but after the band takes a final bow and exits the stage, the lights go on, prompting most of the crowd to head for the exits. Only a few losers stick around to ask questions.

[Black Superman]

Desert here:
I have a very simple question for you, that may equal a very complicated answer.

What is your goal this season?

[garbageman]

Desert here:
I have a very simple question for you, that may equal a very complicated answer.

What is your goal this season?

The answer isn't all that complicated, but since I don't get a lot of questions since most people were here just for the Alan Parsons Project, I'll give a long answer. We'll go into the season aiming to win as many games as possible and hopefully put ourselves in position to strengthen our shot at winning it all this season. The only other goals a team should have should be about making moves to help them win in another season down the road. Everything should boil down to one of those options for every team in every season, but it sure does make it easier for us that some teams just want to make the playoffs or win as many games as possible, even if their roster isn't set up to win it all.

If you're asking what our realistic ceiling is, I think we do have a solid chance at a championship, but I do think the road got tougher than it was last year. We put ourselves in a tougher division and a tougher conference and the top teams all have different strengths and not many weaknesses to exploit to the point where no one team might have the cure all to take down every other strong team. It'll be an interesting playoff for sure.

[MexicanMamba]

If you feel a need to upgrade in-season to give yourself a better championship shot, what do you see as the spots needing strengthening ?

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[garbageman]

If you feel a need to upgrade in-season to give yourself a better championship shot, what do you see as the spots needing strengthening ?

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Sham Smith, Bulls.com: I'd probably be interested in upgrading the Center spot with Mykhailiuk in the final year of his contract, but he was an all-star last season, so I know he does bring a lot to the table. If we did swap him, I'd want a rebound and post D center...scoring isn't necessarily needed from that spot. Other than that, I'd either want a starter quality guy on the bench or someone good enough to crack the rotation on this roster who can shoot from distance. We've got a lot of guys who can score inside and from midrange, but we're not a very strong three point shooting team as a whole.

[greepleairport]

Where was Svi in the preseason? Is it possible you've already found this upgrade at C? Is he mean? Meaner than shot-blocking hot boy Svi?

[garbageman]

Where was Svi in the preseason? Is it possible you've already found this upgrade at C? Is he mean? Meaner than shot-blocking hot boy Svi?

Svi was on the bench because recommended does some dumb shit sometimes. I like what David Brown did off the bench, but Svi secured the job last season, and with Granville Shears being a more efficient scorer than Khalifa Diop without the foul troubles, Svi will retain his starting spot and Diop will take a seat at the end of the bench.

[K-100]

Did you have any strategy heading into the league shuffle draft? Were there any teams you were targeting that you missed? Would you swap now?

[cashcab]

What is it going to take for you to beat these lucky ass warriors?

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[garbageman]

Did you have any strategy heading into the league shuffle draft? Were there any teams you were targeting that you missed? Would you swap now?

Great question. I literally selected all my picks at random from a database. Here's the logs!




mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Los Angeles (LAL) Lakers', 'Chicago Bulls', 'Brooklyn Nets', 'Golden State Warriors', 'Memphis Grizzlies');
Query OK, 5 rows affected (0.00 sec)
Rows matched: 5 Changed: 5 Warnings: 0

mysql> SELECT team FROM s65_reshuffle WHERE selected = 0 ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1;
+---------------+
| team |
+---------------+
| Orlando Magic |
+---------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Orlando Magic', 'Phoenix Suns', 'Detroit Pistons', 'San Antonio Spurs', 'Dallas Mavericks');
Query OK, 5 rows affected (0.01 sec)
Rows matched: 5 Changed: 5 Warnings: 0

mysql> SELECT team FROM s65_reshuffle WHERE selected = 0 ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1;
+-----------+
| team |
+-----------+
| Utah Jazz |
+-----------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Orlando Magic', 'Phoenix Suns', 'Detroit Pistons', 'San Antonio Spurs', 'Dallas Mavericks', 'Utah Jazz');
Query OK, 1 row affected (0.01 sec)
Rows matched: 6 Changed: 1 Warnings: 0

mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Orlando Magic', 'Phoenix Suns', 'Detroit Pistons', 'San Antonio Spurs', 'Dallas Mavericks', 'Utah Jazz', 'Boston Celtics', 'Toronto Raptors');
Query OK, 2 rows affected (0.01 sec)
Rows matched: 8 Changed: 2 Warnings: 0

mysql> SELECT team FROM s65_reshuffle WHERE selected = 0 ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1; +----------------+
| team |
+----------------+
| Denver Nuggets |
+----------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Orlando Magic', 'Phoenix Suns', 'Detroit Pistons', 'San Antonio Spurs', 'Dallas Mavericks', 'Utah Jazz', 'Boston Celtics', 'Toronto Raptors', 'Denver Nuggets', 'Charlotte Bobcats', 'New Orleans Pelicans', 'Houston Rockets', 'Miami Heat');
Query OK, 5 rows affected (0.01 sec)
Rows matched: 13 Changed: 5 Warnings: 0

mysql> SELECT team FROM s65_reshuffle WHERE selected = 0 ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1; +--------------------+
| team |
+--------------------+
| Washington Wizards |
+--------------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

mysql> update s65_reshuffle SET selected = 1 WHERE team IN ('Orlando Magic', 'Phoenix Suns', 'Detroit Pistons', 'San Antonio Spurs', 'Dallas Mavericks', 'Utah Jazz', 'Boston Celtics', 'Toronto Raptors', 'Denver Nuggets', 'Charlotte Bobcats', 'New Orleans Pelicans', 'Houston Rockets', 'Miami Heat', 'Washington Wizards', 'Cleveland Cavaliers', 'Minnesota Timberwolves');
Query OK, 3 rows affected (0.01 sec)
Rows matched: 16 Changed: 3 Warnings: 0

mysql> SELECT team FROM s65_reshuffle WHERE selected = 0 ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1; +----------------+
| team |
+----------------+
| Indiana Pacers |
+----------------+
1 row in set (0.00 sec)

[garbageman]

What is it going to take for you to beat these lucky ass warriors?

Probably three point shooting. The Warriors biggest strength is their size and tough defense in the paint. So I hope some other team takes care of that before we have to face them again.