Rich: Man you know, just doing this rookie thing. Tryin to be like you when I grow up....hahahaha
LeBron: Please, when you win 3 dunk contests call me!! Real talk tho, you know you not gonna last long in Charlotte right? You about to hit the average lifespan for a player in Charlotte. I hope you like that shitty city of Milwaukee...
Rich: First of all, if dunk contest trophies is all you got then I won’t need much effort to surpass you. Hell, I’ll get into to the HOF on the FIRST ballot!
LeBron: Damn son, you cuttin deep..I got you though. I’ll come visit you in Milwaukee...wait wtf is that city even at?
Rich: I know you got jokes but Darth has already told me that I’m not going anywhere. I am a part of the core of the team and the future. And I been putting in work too.
LeBron: You don’t really believe that huh? I thought I was gonna retire in Miami but that snake traded me to New Orleans for a bunch of bustas. This league is a business man, you better learn that quick.
Rich: I get it man, you was spurned and you still mad about it. That’s not gonna happen to me, I got it all figured out. Let me let you in on a little secret. I’ve made myself so valuable that Darth will never let me go.
LeBron: Oh I’ve got to hear this shit.
Rich: So it all started this last summer during the draft.........
So it’s draft day and I’m mingling and meeting all the kids I never met before. I knew most of them of course from college but I was just roaming around ya know. Getting these cats to introduce me to their sisters and shit. You know how I roll man. Gotta have that lined up. So like I said I’m just hitting table after table chatting it up with everybody.
Then I head to the back area and there’s a bunch of conference rooms set up and other rooms for whatever reason. So I stroll in to this room not knowing that it was basically a huge meeting thing going on, and get this, it was ALL sports agents. I think the meeting had just ended so some were filing out but most were still in this room just talking with each other. I happened to see a bar in the corner and it looked like an open bar so I figured what the hell, I’m about to get drafted to the NBA, why not.
So I grab this name badge I found on one of the tables, I think the name on was Roger Wellington. I mean, no I don’t look like a Roger Wellington, but whats the worst that could happen, they actually ask for ID? So I put the badge on go grab a Crown and Coke, and I’m just scanning the room. Then out of no where this guy comes up to me and asks me how I liked the conference. At this point I’m underage drinking and in a conference room I had no business being in, there was only one thing to do...I had to lie.
So I’m trying to wing it and tell this guy I loved it without him knowing I was only there for the drinks. All the sudden this dude starts going on this long diatribe about sports law I think.
“"Sports law" is oftentimes nothing more than applying other areas of law to the representation of athletes, managers, agents and brands with regards to litigation or transactional affairs. For such issues, it is important to specialize in something, whether it is intellectual property, family law, criminal law, taxation, etc. and use that skill set to separate oneself from others in an effort to capture sports-related clientele.”
And I’m just shaking my damn head and nodding like a bobble head. And he just kept on going.
“However, there are truly sports-specific matters. For instance, I handle many disputes that are governed by regulations promulgated by various players' associations (i.e. the NFL Players Association). Those disputes are subject to mandatory, binding arbitration pursuant to such regulations, and while the law is relevant, having an understanding and appreciation for the appropriate regulations, the sport's collective bargaining agreement, the intricacies of the issues and the parties involved separates me from other practitioners looking to get involved in the space.”
All I’m hearing at this point is blah blah blah blah. I didn’t care about any of this stuff. I just wanted to hear my name from Commish So Hard and get PAID. 5 minutes later this guy is still talking and right as I’m about to tell him I gotta go he said something magical, he said: “I mean bro, do you realize I make close to 2 mil a year and do next to nothing?” WHOA (Did he just say he made 2 mil a year as a sports agent?) I think that’s what he said, he said some legal shit too but he is an agent.
I get that I’m about to be drafted into the league and will be making much more than that right away....BUT that was intriguing. If I could make some money on the side by being an agent on the DL, I could kill it. I have access to every player in the NBA. I have access to the teams, the GMs, the coaches. And I’m a player, guess who can tamper in plain sight and get away with it? PLAYERS!!! ME!!! So basically the week after I got drafted I went and paid for my sports agents license in every state there’s an NBA team.
Lebron: Wait...are you telling me you’re a Fryeing sports agent...right now? I’m talking to a sports agent!? Yo dude you Fryeing crazy. You know how much trouble you could get into if anyone finds out?
Rich: Yes, I do. But no one is gonna find out. And here’s why...you are gonna be the cover man.
LeBron: What? Me?
Rich: Hell yeah man. So this is what we’ll do. I’ve already started a sports agency. It’s called Klutch Sports Group. All done and ready to go. You will be the face of the company now that you’re retired and work under my license. You have mad contacts from your time in the league and I have access to all the players and GMs right now. Bron...WE CAN DO THIS!! And not only do it but we can do it big!
LeBron: I dunno man. I’m not sure we can actually get away with this.
Rich: Trust me man, this will work. I already have a few things in the works. So you know how RFA this off-season is gonna be loaded right? I’ve already talked to RJ Barrett, Kuzma, and Maravich. It’s a good possibility one of those guys forces a S&T.
LeBron: And how they gonna do that, they have no control?
Rich: Bron, my man...you gotta use your head. We all have power. These guys are their franchise’s cornerstones, they need them. Now let’s say they all the sudden start being a bit disruptional around the locker room. What if they become so cancerous, the team has no choice but to entertain offers during RFA period? See what I mean, we all have more power than you think.
LeBron: Man you one sneaky mother <expletive deleted>. But I see what you talking about, I think that could actually work. What else you got up your sleeve?
Rich: So that’s just the tip of the iceburg. Obviously, if I’m doing this I’m going to want to enRICH, no pun intended, myself. So here’s what I was thinking, and you could help a lot in this plan. What if you talked to Bronny for the rest of the season. Got in his head a bit. I know he does what he wants but if he thinks it’s really what he wants then maybe he’ll go right along.
LeBron: I’m listening, go on.
Rich: I know he likes it in Orlando and all, but start badmouthing the franchise when you’re around him. Make him wonder why the franchise seems to be putting all their eggs in the Boban basket and leaving him the scraps. Tell him that he should be the focus of that team and that they don’t appreciate or deserve him. Eventually he’ll see that it’s all true, which it is, and he’ll demand a trade. That’s when I can have Darth ready to go with a lowball offer that GM False9 can’t refuse.
LeBron: Not sure I like the idea of manipulating my own son like that but when you say it, it sounds harmless. Let’s give it a shot!
Rich: Good shit. Also I have a few others players ready to sign on with the agency as well. They will all be eating out of our palm bro. We can shape this league in our own image. Have our own little chess match with the league without anyone knowing. You may not be able to own a team but hell why not OWN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
